metaphortunate: (Junebug)
Thank you everyone!

I note that I am getting congrats in 2 flavors:

1) Yay, how awesome!
2) Congrats! ….huh, didn't really expect that, but…you seem happy, so congrats!

Nobody apologize! There is nothing wrong with that. But it leads me to believe that maybe I have been venting too much and not celebrating the Junebug's awesomeness enough. Don't get me wrong, there is plenty to vent about. He's a toddler. I could complain all day and all night except that I will be passing out in about half an hour. But there is also lots, lots, lots to be in love with, and I don't think it's good to only talk about the bad aspects of the people you love. So let me assure you that, wigglemonster as he is, when I ride the bus home with him in my lap I often look around & think, "Huh, I'm the only one smiling," and then think, "That's because I'm the only one holding the very best monkey in the whole world." I love his nose kisses and the way he says "Yeah!" and the way his whole body wiggles in a million directions when he runs and how he has to announce that he's "Wunning! Wunning!" I love how he's learning to climb and picking up new words every day and being brave going down slides and asking for songs and sharing his blueberries with me and going "Yay!" when I eat one.

The other day, at work, I had a pounding headache - I don't usually get headaches but I got them last pregnancy and now I am getting them again. Left work to pick the Junebug up, headache on the train. Picked him up at daycare, hugged him, took him home on the bus…and by the time we got home, my headache was gone. Mr. E said that it was because I wasn't at work anymore - but after I put him to bed, the headache came back. It just feels good to be around him. I mean, it also feels good to get a break, don't get me wrong. I look forward to all the things I get done when he's asleep or otherwise being taken care of. But I am profoundly satisfied when I am holding my little guy.
metaphortunate: (Default)
Welp. My trousers gave up the unequal fight on Friday. I told my boss yesterday. This morning we told the Junebug that Mama had a baby in her belly. He poked my belly and said "Baby*!" It's probably time to tell the internet.

Hypo** is due to be released in September.

So, yes: originally I didn't want any kids. Then I decided I wanted one. Now I have decided that I want two. Possibly it's for the best that the inescapable realities of aging are going to cap it there. Not that I have any desire for three, mind you; but then, ten years ago, I didn't have any desire for one.

Part of it, of course, is that the Junebug is wonderful. In fact, that's what kills me: all I want is another Junebug! This little guy is so great! And that, of course, is the only thing I know for sure that I won't get, because as every single person with more than one kid tells me, every baby is different. I know that! I do! I'm just really sad about it!

But mostly it's that Mr. E has turned out to be such an amazing dad. I mean, to be real: we talked a lot about being equal parents, before the baby came, but a lot of guys talk a good game. You don't really know what someone's going to be like until they're in the middle of it. And he's been the best. He stays home with the Junebug one day a week. He makes his lunch to take to daycare every day. He puts him to bed half the time now that he's not nursing anymore. He stays home with the Junebug when the baby is sick. (When he's sick in advance. I'm the one who leaves work when he unexpectedly gets sick at daycare. That is the Deal. Turns out these Deals can take on Jackson's Whole-level importance, when you're negotiating how to raise a little dude.) We took shifts at night when the baby was tiny. He washed all the pumping stuff when I was pumping - that's a bigger deal than you may think. One, the time adds up, and two, I have eczema, so washing dishes is painful. I am so impressed with single parents now. I kind of think our country should not only give them a stipend but also possibly some kind of medal and and free babysitting and maybe special parking spaces. I would pay more taxes for that. I would say I can't imagine doing this alone but actually I can. Oh, I can. Vividly.

And yeah, there are downsides to everything, and we fight about all the Junebug's food and stuff because we're both so invested in raising our kid. But there's no other way I'd rather do it. So, to my surprise, I could totally see having another kid with this guy. And so we're gonna.

*One of the Junebug's daycare teachers has a new baby, 4 or 5 months old, and she's brought him in for the toddlers to see a couple of times. The Junebug knows his name and when I say his name says "Baby! Baby!" I'm very pleased he's learning about babies. Specifically, about being gentle with the baby.

**Hypo is short for "Hypothetical Baby To Be Named Later". I kind of hate it as a nickname, and it really won't work well eventually. But it's what we started calling the hypothetical baby when we were in discussions about whether there would even be another baby, hypothetically, and despite my best efforts to come up with an alternative, it's just…stuck.


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metaphortunate son

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