eyes under the prize

[metaphortunate]

Okay, gabbysilang has got me concerned. Eyebrows? Of all the bits of my body that I have wasted my life fruitlessly wishing were smaller, higher, smoother, less painful, more functional, less hairy or stronger, eyebrows are like the one thing it never occurred to me to wish were otherwise than they were. They...uh, do their job, I guess? They sit on my forehead between my eyes and my hairline. I can raise the left one by itself, sort of! Is that not enough? Should I be demanding more of them? Is there a way to get them to pick up wifi?

Comments

[giandujakiss]

On occasion people have tried to get me to worry about my eyebrows. I forget about it pretty quickly - there are so many more prominent body parts that I am neglecting, eyebrows come really low down on the list.

[nonethefewer]

Man, I've long since given up on this. I'm far too busy making sure I remember to zip up my fly.

[metaphortunate]

Oh man I'm ON that. Like, 85% success. Looking good. Looking stylish.

[nonethefewer]

With the weight fluctuations comes belt-hole impermanence, so I get distracted by "where am I belting to today?", and whoops, fly. >.>

[(Anonymous)]

I was just born with good eyebrows. And cheekbones. Otherwise I don't think I'd have given them a second thought either.

Though it looks like I'll wind up as one of those old men with white, unkempt eyebrows full of little hairs going every which way, but especially upward. Those old fellows with fierce owl eyes.

I'm quite looking forward to it.

- Noah

[metaphortunate]

That actually sounds pretty great. :D

[troisroyaumes]

My mother has always nagged me about grooming my eyebrows even though she never nags me about shaving! Not that I manage to do either...

[jedusaur]

I have great eyebrows, apparently. This has been relevant to my life approximately never, unless someone I've had sex with would have chosen otherwise on that basis. Which I guess is possible but probably wouldn't have been too much of a loss.

[metaphortunate]

This reminds me a lot of Buttercup in The Princess Bride realizing that people don't leer at each other because of their great teeth.

[snarp]

With appropriate upgrades, they can reach power levels of over 250,000.

[posts picture of vegeta from dragon ball, who has pointy eyebrows which, in resting form, are precisely angularly fitted to his pointy widow's peak. that's what the joke was. i'm sorry i made a dragon ball joke. i'm sorry.]

[laceblade]

I usually suck at plucking mine, but I love the way they look after using tinted wax/setting powder. (THE KIT I USE.)

[jesse_the_k]

I carefully buy glasses that don't interfere with the exquisite communication tool which is my eyebrows.*

Around age 18, I discovered that my left brow is sending out around six hairs on the road to my left temple.

That is all. (P.S., I have never worn eye makeup. Ever.)

*This was actually true when I was an ASL interpreter

[metaphortunate]

Okay, well ASL yes.

[liseuse]

Sometimes I think about paying attention to my eyebrows and then I remember how badly I fail at paying attention to my fingernails and I actually care about how they look.

[gabbysilang]

TO BE FAIR i am just really vain and feel like my eyebrows are weirdly sparse and barely-there and what about arches?? should they? arch??? idek. and then i look at like octavia from the 100 and, ok, you're looking rough, girl. but damn your eyebrows went on with the sharpie of god.

in conclusion: eye...brows????

[skygiants]

I dream of the day when I am old and my eyebrows achieve their final Pokemon evolution. I'm on the straight train to Gandolf-land.

[metaphortunate]

NEED TO FAVE

[laurajv]

I'd love it if my eyebrows had wifi.

I do tidy mine up a bit, because I miiiiight have shaved them off in high school in an attempt to look more Vulcan and they might have grown back in a little bit wonky. GOOD JOB PAST ME.

[ironed_orchid]

It's a thing I know other people do. There is something called threading, but I'm too scared to enquire about the details.

I sometimes give mine a little brush with my fingers so the hairs are pointing up and out, rather than drooping all over the place, but that is the extent of my eyebrow grooming.

[azurelunatic]

I like my eyebrows. When I was a teenager, and strictly speaking I should have been outside while the floor varnish was drying, I taught myself to raise either one independently, rather the single one I already knew how to do. I had been told to pick a place, inside or outside, just stop migrating around the still-tacky varnish, so I settled on the couch with a mirror and attempted to locate and then flip the little signal that meant I was twitching that head-muscle. And, after catching the first twitch, I managed to amplify it...

It's about 20 years later, and I don't recall which was the original eyebrow. I think the right one. I remember that I couldn't get the other one to pull quite straight up, so it goes a little more sideways than the other, and the left one is more sideways. I thought it was a Vulcan superpower or you had to be born with it, until one of my friends told me it was possible.

[metaphortunate]

I also taught myself to raise one! partly because of Mr. Spock. But also partly because my dad could do it.

[jrtom]

I am amused by the idea that my eyebrows may _already_ be picking up WiFi...and doing something with the data of which I am completely unaware. (This may explain spontaneous earworms, for instance. :) )

[metaphortunate]

I like that explanation! Like my headphones at work, which if I put them in and get distracted before actually managing to turn on my music, very very faintly pick up radio.

[starlady]

I get mine waxed. (The one time I tried threading, it was like being tortured, but with the added bonus that they made you participate in your being tortured, i.e. had you hold your own skin taut.) And I trim/pluck them to keep the shape as much as possible in between waxings. I've done it since ninth grade, when I tried it and immediately got compliments on how it opened up my face. No regrets.

[metaphortunate]

If you like it, I see no reason to regret it!