apparently I'm tired. Or something.

[metaphortunate]

I was just in a conversation where I was trying to make a point, but I was having trouble nailing down exactly what it was, in fact the only thing I am quite sure of is that I didn't manage to say it, whatever it was, which is so FRUSTRATING, and makes me feel like I CAN'T just leave it at that, I've totally managed to misrepresent myself, surely if I just keep talking I will eventually manage to say what I think, right? Right? Even if there is the creeping suspicion that although I am sure that my elusive point is a good point, I really am, but just possibly it might not, strictly speaking, be a relevant point? But it's a good point, I swear it is! If I ever managed to say it properly you would all be struck by the force of my rightness! Maybe I will try one more time! Shut up and let me finish!

How do you stop yourself when you get like this? Do you ever get like this?

Also I continue my streak of shame in only ever pulling crap like this when I am stone cold sober. Although it is true that this week I have had too much to think.

Comments

[wild_irises]

Oh, man! I not only get like that, I know the tone in my voice which means I have gotten like that. I am very slowly, at my advanced age, learning to make use of that tone. I have always been able to recognize it, but it's just in the last few years that I've started to realize that what it means is "SHUT THE FUCK UP. TEN MINUTES AGO WOULD BE GOOD."

If you have a tone that goes with that style, learning to listen for it and trust it is my best advice.

[metaphortunate]

Ha! Yes! The other parts of your brain are going "Shut up! Shut up now! Okay...now! One two three NOW!"

My problem is that it takes me like half an hour to go from "It's really unfortunate that I'm sounding like an asshole, but I guess I have to in order to say this thing" to "It's not actually all that important that I be talking right now. It is actually MORE important to me that I stop being an asshole." That is too long!

[kalmn]

That has happened to me while I was on a panel. Aiiiieee.

[metaphortunate]

Nooooo!

[dancingsinging]

Ooo, sympathies! I've totally been there. It always happens for me with someone I want to impress with how smart I am.

For me personally, I've learned to kind of go meta with it and explain briefly what's happening, then shut up for a minute and figure out what I'm trying to say. Sometimes I actually come up with the clever thing while I'm being quiet and making the other person wait.

[metaphortunate]

Oh, that's nice. For me, once I've gone down that path, the clever thing is gone for - minimum - a MONTH. Time to abandon that train of thought.

[merielle]

+1 on everything dancingsinging said. Or, if I'm in a situation like a meeting, I will say something like, "I'm sorry I'm not expressing myself well. Y'all please go on for a minute while I try to figure out how to say this." Then I take a minute to write, outline my thoughts, and try to come up with another way to say what I mean.

Similar to what wild_irises said, I have a cue for myself, but it's physical - I get this feeling in my throat like something is stuck in it, but instead of wanting to swallow, I urgently want to speak it out.

Usually when this happens to me, there's a big emotional component to it. What's going on is that I'm getting a particular button pushed; I am feeling deeply misunderstood in some fundamental way - like the Samuel L. Delany concept of "rupture" - but it's personal, and I feel like I am being mistaken for a kind of person I am not and do not want to be. So as soon as I can, I go do something that lets me zone out (driving and wailing along with beloved songs is excellent for this) and I try to figure out what was pushing my buttons. Then there usually needs to be some combination of talking with a trusted person, chocolate, carbs, wine, and being held. Sometimes it is mostly intellectual, and in those cases I just need the zoning out and possibly some ranting to my partner afterward.

[metaphortunate]

For me a minute won't do it. Once I've gone down this path, I just need to stop talking because whatever it is I wanted to say, it won't come out right for, like, a month.

[merielle]

Oh, dear. That sounds really frustrating. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. *sympathy*