apparently I'm tired. Or something.

[metaphortunate]

I was just in a conversation where I was trying to make a point, but I was having trouble nailing down exactly what it was, in fact the only thing I am quite sure of is that I didn't manage to say it, whatever it was, which is so FRUSTRATING, and makes me feel like I CAN'T just leave it at that, I've totally managed to misrepresent myself, surely if I just keep talking I will eventually manage to say what I think, right? Right? Even if there is the creeping suspicion that although I am sure that my elusive point is a good point, I really am, but just possibly it might not, strictly speaking, be a relevant point? But it's a good point, I swear it is! If I ever managed to say it properly you would all be struck by the force of my rightness! Maybe I will try one more time! Shut up and let me finish!

How do you stop yourself when you get like this? Do you ever get like this?

Also I continue my streak of shame in only ever pulling crap like this when I am stone cold sober. Although it is true that this week I have had too much to think.

Comments

[merielle]

+1 on everything dancingsinging said. Or, if I'm in a situation like a meeting, I will say something like, "I'm sorry I'm not expressing myself well. Y'all please go on for a minute while I try to figure out how to say this." Then I take a minute to write, outline my thoughts, and try to come up with another way to say what I mean.

Similar to what wild_irises said, I have a cue for myself, but it's physical - I get this feeling in my throat like something is stuck in it, but instead of wanting to swallow, I urgently want to speak it out.

Usually when this happens to me, there's a big emotional component to it. What's going on is that I'm getting a particular button pushed; I am feeling deeply misunderstood in some fundamental way - like the Samuel L. Delany concept of "rupture" - but it's personal, and I feel like I am being mistaken for a kind of person I am not and do not want to be. So as soon as I can, I go do something that lets me zone out (driving and wailing along with beloved songs is excellent for this) and I try to figure out what was pushing my buttons. Then there usually needs to be some combination of talking with a trusted person, chocolate, carbs, wine, and being held. Sometimes it is mostly intellectual, and in those cases I just need the zoning out and possibly some ranting to my partner afterward.

[metaphortunate]

For me a minute won't do it. Once I've gone down this path, I just need to stop talking because whatever it is I wanted to say, it won't come out right for, like, a month.

[merielle]

Oh, dear. That sounds really frustrating. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. *sympathy*