metaphortunate son (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
metaphortunate) wrote2015-11-05 10:23 pm
metaphortunate) wrote2015-11-05 10:23 pm
Entry tags:
do as I say, Part II-A
Okay, here's a thing.
The conversation I wrote about yesterday? I know it's wrong. I mean, I have an ear for this, I know that it's funny. But I honestly don't 100% know exactly why.
I mean, it's ironic that my mom is bugging me to break a habit that she has absolutely no intention of breaking herself, right? But is that any worse than me telling my kid to relax and get some sleep when I know there's no chance I'll be doing it myself? And I know what would happen if I told my mom to lay off my coffee habit if she's not going to kick her own, because I've had this conversation before. She would say, with perfect sincerity, that my health and wellbeing are much more important to her than her own.
Which is true. I don't talk about it much, because it's not funny, or cute, or some traumatic shit that I have to work through, which are the main reasons why I talk about my family. It's just been a constant source of support in my life: I have always had parents who care deeply about my health and wellbeing, yea, even above their own. How lucky am I. And if they're sometimes spectacularly bad at figuring out how to support that goal; well, sometimes they're not. They did get a number of things right. And I wouldn't be doing nearly as well as I am without all the love and help they gave me throughout my life, for sure.
But, it's still kind of fucked up to not be able to drink tea for breakfast in your own house without being confronted with how disappointing it is that you haven't reached a goal that you weren't trying for and aren't interested in, right?
There's still something fucked up about caring so much about someone else's health and happiness that you push them to do shit in pursuit of it that is way too hard or tedious or unpleasant to do yourself, right?
I really want to know what exactly the problem is. What is the funny part? What is the fucked up part? Because I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is, and if I don't know what it is, how am I going to avoid doing it myself?
The conversation I wrote about yesterday? I know it's wrong. I mean, I have an ear for this, I know that it's funny. But I honestly don't 100% know exactly why.
I mean, it's ironic that my mom is bugging me to break a habit that she has absolutely no intention of breaking herself, right? But is that any worse than me telling my kid to relax and get some sleep when I know there's no chance I'll be doing it myself? And I know what would happen if I told my mom to lay off my coffee habit if she's not going to kick her own, because I've had this conversation before. She would say, with perfect sincerity, that my health and wellbeing are much more important to her than her own.
Which is true. I don't talk about it much, because it's not funny, or cute, or some traumatic shit that I have to work through, which are the main reasons why I talk about my family. It's just been a constant source of support in my life: I have always had parents who care deeply about my health and wellbeing, yea, even above their own. How lucky am I. And if they're sometimes spectacularly bad at figuring out how to support that goal; well, sometimes they're not. They did get a number of things right. And I wouldn't be doing nearly as well as I am without all the love and help they gave me throughout my life, for sure.
But, it's still kind of fucked up to not be able to drink tea for breakfast in your own house without being confronted with how disappointing it is that you haven't reached a goal that you weren't trying for and aren't interested in, right?
There's still something fucked up about caring so much about someone else's health and happiness that you push them to do shit in pursuit of it that is way too hard or tedious or unpleasant to do yourself, right?
I really want to know what exactly the problem is. What is the funny part? What is the fucked up part? Because I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is, and if I don't know what it is, how am I going to avoid doing it myself?
no subject
I mean, yes, headaches if I don't feed the beast, but...okay, at this point, no matter how bad I may or may not feel, if I ask myself "Do I have any reason, really, to get out of bed today?" the answer will be "Because if you do not, rambunctious monkeys will keep jumping on your spleen until it actually bursts. Go feed them." But there have been times in the past when the answer was "Because if you don't go get a cup of coffee then you will have an ugly headache round about 2 pm." And that has genuinely gotten me out of bed on days when I couldn't think of another reason to. And that is valuable.
But on the other hand, that is not really the issue, because Mom does believe, for whatever stupid-ass reason, that caffeine is bad for you. And she does act on her beliefs, I mean, that's a human thing, we have to do that, I accept that. So yeah, from her point of view, I'm asking her to just watch me be Wrong and know that I'm hurting myself and not try to do anything about it.
And from my point of view, YES THAT IS WHAT I AM ASKING YOU TO DO. And if you can't do it, we're going to have a problem.
no subject
I am familiar with the problem of parents who struggle to differentiate What Is Right For Me from What Is Right For Everyone Especially YOU, MISSY!!! It has been said that I tackle this problem with more vehemence and sadistic enthusiasm than is strictly appropriate; however, it has been an effective buttoutsky strategy for me. (Sadly, it is not as effective by proxy, and my siblings always end up fighting their own battles with their own tools.)