arms race

[metaphortunate]

US: Please don't give the kids battery operated toys that make a lot of noise.

MR. E'S PARENTS: Here's a battery operated bus that makes loud engine and honking sounds and plays a jaunty little tune! Happy birthday, Rocket!

MR. E: Well, I was able to cut the battery lines, so that's fine, but maybe next time take the batteries out first? They never like the toy as much if it made noise at first and then stopped.

MOM: I got the Junebug one of those Audubon Society stuffed birds that play a tinny recording of an authentic bird call! It's a seagull. Also the batteries are internal and there's no way to access them. And I've already given it to him and he loves it. Your move, bitch.

ME: Hey, that was a real good try. But I think you forgot that your own mother taught me how to sew. I just opened a seam, took out the noisemaker, and sewed it back up as good as new. I even gave him the noisemaker for an outside toy only, how you like that?

MOM: I'm gonna buy them a piano.

ME: No.

Comments

[rosefox]

Being able to perform jinglectomies on stuffed toys is an essential skill of parenthood. Of course, now I have to figure out what to do with these noisemaker things. Freecycle them for someone making stuffed toys, maybe...

[metaphortunate]

And so the cycle begins anew!

[rosefox]

Someone somewhere must like the damn things!

[cyprinella]

Someone with pets maybe?

[metaphortunate]

See first comment! (Spoiler: no! :)

Harimad here

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe the ones who like it are parents who want revenge for all the times their kids were rotten stinkers.

Re: Harimad here

[metaphortunate]

Oh, for sure. I know I hope to someday take my own revenge! Pay it forward, right?

Re: Harimad here (I'm still Harimad)

[(Anonymous)]

Absolutely.