two of a kind family

[metaphortunate]

Who was it I was talking to about the luck of having two kids of the same sex?

Because it does feel like an escape. See, if I'd had a boy and a girl, I know in my soul that I would be absolutely convinced at this point that there are real differences between boys and girls, even at the age of like a year, and that I knew because I had seen them.

If the Junebug had been a girl I would be convinced that I had hard evidence that it's true that boy babies cry more than girls. If Rocket had been a girl I would be convinced that, wow: girls really do show so much more affection and emotion than boys. Even at such a young age.

But they're both boys, so what I have hard evidence for is that n=2 doesn't mean shit. Kids vary.

Comments

[serene]

So much love!

[khedron]

+1!

[hunningham]

Yes. I remember my father saying that as a (very young) father of one child (me) he thought he had it sussed - he understood children. And then my sister was born and she was different! Even as a tiny baby she had a completely different personality, and my father was so shocked and surprised when he realised this.

[metaphortunate]

We say that after we had the Junebug, who ate well and slept well and was basically always happy, we realized we were surprisingly excellent parents. Then we had Rocket, and we realized that what had actually happened was that our first was a surprisingly excellent kid.

[hunningham]

!! Not always the parents who make the difference between one child and another.

[antisoppist]

The other way to resolve this problem is to have three :-). I thought I knew how children worked once the first one had got me trained to what worked with her very specific and inflexible needs, and then the second one was completely different, and much more accommodating, empathetic, emotional, and male, and then the third one (female) turned out to be entirely different again and boggled me because she is interested in things around her and how things work and is the only one who ever asked "why?"

[metaphortunate]

Wow. I literally have a hard time even imagining a kid who doesn't ask "why?"

[antisoppist]

Last week I went to secondary school parents'evening where my 13 yo told her science teacher that she didn't see the point of physics because it is enough that you turn a switch and the lights come on and you don't really care how it does it.

[rmc28]

We do keep getting tripped up by "Nico is not Charles" :-)

[troisroyaumes]

My mother is already chalking up every single difference between how I was as a baby and how my son is as a baby to girl vs boy. (I'm an only child so no siblings to make that comparison.) "He cries more loudly than you did...it must be because he's a boy! He kicks and fidgets more than you did...wow, boys really are more active than girls, aren't they?" Sigh.

[metaphortunate]

Aaaah, you had the baby! Congratulations!

....grandmothers. Oy.

[cahn]

I am really hoping that I decide that boys are more empathetic, placid, sweeter, and all the non-stereotypes ;)

But mostly right now I'm noticing that the real difference is that boys are easier to change the poopy diapers of, yay. (Um, not because of emotional makeup -- in fact A objects more than E ever did -- but purely physically: because the poop doesn't get into all the crevices of the vulva.)

[kalmn]

poop under the foreskin. dear god why.

[metaphortunate]

Oh god. At least we haven't run into that one yet for some reason.

[cahn]

Husband wanted to circumcise, so instead we got the penis sticking to diaper problem. On the other hand, this is of much shorter duration...

[metaphortunate]

Yes; when I was pregnant with Rocket I was pretty nervous about having a girl just because I had gotten really good at cleaning poop off boy genitals, and I just have no idea - to this day - about how to clean poop off of girl genitals. I mean, I have a vulva myself, but I don't POOP in it, you know? It's not an issue!

[cahn]

I know, right! I wouldn't know how to clean poop off my genitals either!

With E I mostly did it the same way I clean poop off A -- just wipe a lot with the wet wipes -- except that I used a lot more wet wipes with E and angsted a LOT more about the possibility of giving her a UTI by missing a crevice, whereas if I don't completely wipe the crevice between A's leg and crotch, I just get it the next time. (She never actually got a UTI from a poopy vulva, thank goodness, but I angsted a lot about the potential.)

[norah]

I think what I have come away with thus far is "wow, this gender shit it more insidious than I ever dreamed." But I have, at least, the luck to have kids who defy the temperamental gender stereotypes, if not many of the social ones.

[metaphortunate]

So insidious. :(