microaggressions

[metaphortunate]

On the bus home after work tonight: me. A little boy sitting next to me. His brother sitting next to him. His sister, a little chubby with glasses, third on the bus, too late to get a seat, standing in front of them, swinging a little on the pole she was holding on to. Sister maybe 7 or 8, one brother older, one younger. Kids talking.

Sister mentions that she's good at soccer.

Older brother says "No you're not. You suck."

Sister tries to meet him halfway. "I'm sort of good. Maybe I sort of suck."

Older brother: "No, you suck."

Sister: "You know [other kid]? I got a goal off him today. I made a goal."

Older brother pauses. "He probably let you."

Older brother: "Boys like to let girls win. They just pretend like you won."

Me, leaning in: "No they don't. Boys hate it when it looks like girls beat them."

Older brother: "Oh yeah….that's true."

Me: [trying not to look too smug]

Kids: silent for a few minutes, while I pull out my phone and ostentatiously perform Not Listening To Your Conversation Anymore, Please Go About Your Business.

Sister: smiling a little.

------


Mr. E says I used sexism against sexism. Like judo or something? Or just another ultimately self-defeating master's tool?

Comments

[cofax7]

You rock! Brilliant.

[copracat]

It takes so long to grow up and realise all that shit isn't true. You did that little girl a massive favour by reinforcing her lived experience instead of what her brother was doing. A victorious little stab in the creeping hand of imposter syndrome!

[metaphortunate]

I hope so! I was just like, I am NOT gonna sit here and let the brainwashing happen next to me...

[badgerbag]

Hey boys! You're good at.... SEXISM!!!

[dancingsinging]

I'm so glad you said something! That is awesome. I was reading your post and getting all sad and thinking you were going to finish it with some type of "I wish I had said X that occurred to me later" (like I usually do) but then you said something clever that really reached them.

I don't think it's bad to point out that boys are sexist as evidence that the older brother's assertion was wrong. It was like pointing out, 'hey, girl, this is what you're up against.'

Very awesome of you! I'm glad you're out there in the world.

[metaphortunate]

It's not that I feel bad pointing out that boys are sexist. It's that I'm ambivalent about fighting the "boys let girls win" trope by reinforcing the "it's embarrassing for a boy to get beaten by a girl" trope. :/

Thanks, though! I've been saying shit to sexists for a long, long time now, practice makes you better at everything. :)

[merielle]

But I don't think that's what you did. You said that boys hate it. You didn't say it was cool or right that they feel that way. You left it open to her interpretation, which leaves the power in her hands, you provided an example of a woman arguing against a male assertion and winning the argument, and you showed grownup woman/girl solidarity. All that is awesome!

I guess you could have said something like, "In my experience, boys usually hate it when it looks like girls beat them, and I don't think it should actually matter," but whatever. You were pithy and in the moment, and kids stop paying attention if you get too wordy. So overall, IMO, fucking rad. Well played.

[metaphortunate]

They do, you have to keep it short. And thanks. :)

[malka]

Nice.

The bit at the beginning, where the girl tried to compromise with the person who was tearing her down and wasn't even allowed to do that -- sigh. I see that pattern a lot, in myself and in others, and I hate it.

[metaphortunate]

That was when I started paying attention. She said that and I flinched internally. Oh, honey, no - people are going to tell you that you suck, but don't you start agreeing with them!

[dr_memory]

And this is why I rank the odds of me not getting jailed for assault before Theda turns ten at nearly zero.

Well done.

[wordweaverlynn]

Standing ovation.

[lovepeaceohana]

I'd think of it more as speaking their language - if you'd gone into a lecture about the sexist patterns they we're reinforcing, they might not have heard you at all. Instead you met them on their level, showed them a very specific hypocrisy, and left them to think about it. I bet that will stay with them far longer.

[intothespin]

I am so impressed by you.