gender enforcement

[metaphortunate]

Things the baby has ostensibly done recently to cause people to say "Wow, you've really got a boy there, haven't you?"

1) Opened kitchen drawer, flung out piece of tupperware
2) Climbed up slide at playground

Things I believe the baby has ACTUALLY done recently to cause people to say "Wow, you've really got a boy there, haven't you?"

Received a short haircut.

Reason for hypothesis

Previous to the haircut, the most common question upon meeting him was "Boy or girl?"

Alternate hypothesis

Perhaps the haircut has caused him to behave in a more masculine fashion?

Evidence supporting alternate hypothesis

None. Baby behavior has not noticeably changed.

Evidence supporting initial hypothesis

People are extremely good at finding patterns and then noticing evidence to support those patterns and discarding evidence that does not.

Conclusion

GRRARGH PEOPLE WHY YOU GOTTA BE LIKE THAT.

Comments

[kate_nepveu]

My anecdata is also that people impose adult-heterocentric hairstyle expectations on babies. Which is stupid.

[tiger_spot]

I have found it really interesting how I respond to my two-month-old's hair depending on what she's wearing. Little denim dress? Cute punky pixie cut, totally a girl! Collared suit with airplanes? Same as brooksmoses's haircut, totally a boy!

It's all just the hair she was born with, which seems to be growing at about the same rate her head is, but subconscious expectations lead to some weirdly different interpretations.

Random strangers seem to split about 50/50 between asking whether she's a girl or a boy and just going ahead and assuming she's a boy. I am kind of looking forward to when she grows into some of the pink stuff we have so I can deliberately pair it with extra-boyish things and see what happens then.

[kate_nepveu]

I had one person ask me, in a very offended tone of voice, why SteelyKid was wearing blue if she wasn't a boy.

The best part is that she wasn't actually wearing blue. She just wasn't in head-to-toe pink.

[ironed_orchid]

OMFG.

This is one of the reasons that none of the things I am knitting for new nephew have either pink or blue in them.

[metaphortunate]

Time to deploy the Eyebrow of Disdain and then the cut direct!

[khedron]

Yeah, we've had that before too. They even assumed that our daughter was a boy because the *car seat* was blue. The frickin' car seat.

[thistleingrey]

Wow.

[metaphortunate]

We don't go to effort to dress the Junebug as a boy, but we do go to a small amount of effort not to dress him as a girl, because people get so embarrassed when they get it wrong. Seriously, more apologies than I can deal with. It clearly hurts them in their souls to have accidentally misgendered him, to the point where I would now consider it almost rude to dress him in pink as long as I continue to call him a boy.

[(Anonymous)]

I worry about that when it comes to modifying my own gender presentation. :-/

[metaphortunate]

Oh no, I wouldn't. When you're an adult, people take it out on you, not themselves, so it's really up to you if you're okay with that.

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

Really? I would've thought that the "it" they're taking out on you is still "them being embarrassed," so that there's still the question of how I feel about that on top of the question of whether I want to deal with the fallout.

[metaphortunate]

With kids, I feel like people get put in the position of feeling like they've insulted a kid. Which, whether or not I think it's an insult, clearly makes them feel bad. When I as an adult have caused people to be confused about my own gender, they don't seem to feel bad about themselves, they seem to get angry with me. I feel more okay about deciding that I can accept people being angry with me than about deciding that I can accept making people think they've hurt a kid's or a mama's feelings (note again: kid don't care. Mama don't care. People don't know, though.)

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

Ack, that was me.

[tiger_spot]

I've heard that people get much more embarrassed about accidentally calling boys girls than they do about accidentally calling girls boys. Certainly no-one has seemed particularly upset about getting Morgan wrong so far. On the other hand, she hasn't been out all that much, so perhaps we just haven't met the terribly embarrassed people yet.

[metaphortunate]

Oh yes, calling a boy a girl is a much worse insult than calling a girl a boy. Heck, that's only an insult in certain contexts, but it's never not insulting to call a boy a girl. #rage

[norah]

Oh, I used to just say thank you and move on. I mean, why correct? I guess if you talk to them for a while it comes out, though.

[metaphortunate]

Yeah, I only correct if it looks like the exchange is going to go on for a couple of sentences. At bus stops & such, though, we're going to be there for a while.

[metaphortunate]

Yeah, I'd like to see what kind of haircut I ended up with if I insisted on screaming and thrashing about as much as possible while I was getting it cut!

[kate_nepveu]

Oh dear.

(I used to cut SteelyKid's bangs in her sleep. Sneak in, catch the bits in my hand. Same as with nails.)

Also, the rate at which children become _less_ bald has nothing to do with the ways adults become _more_ bald, which many people seem to think.

[metaphortunate]

Huh - actually, the Junebug was born with what looked like a classic receding hairline, and in his case, it was an encroaching hairline!