pretty things and money, part 2

[metaphortunate]

And on another note, I have recently been privileged to see, up close and personal, an didactically clear example of why exactly it is so profitable for various industries to keep us in a constant state of insecurity. Since about my eighth month of pregnancy - and much more strongly since giving birth - I have felt ugly*. It makes a shocking difference to my level of happiness. I mean, I am noticeably unhappy about it every day, all day. Even though whether or not I am ugly affects most of my daily life not at all. I can't seem to shake it**.

And, as a consequence, I'm spending money. I'm not exactly going on shopping sprees - except for nursing tops, I guess, but it turns out I didn't used to own any of those, so I kind of had to - but when I buy things I need, I'm buying pricier ones. I bought fancy jeans to replace the ones that wore out. When I had to buy sunglasses, I bought fancy ones. I bought a pretty watch. Because when I'm feeling ugly, it's more worth money to me that at least my clothes can look nice.


*Please don't comment to tell me about whether or not I actually look ugly; it's not a rational thing, you can't help. I appreciate it if you were gonna. I was considering turning off comments but I'm interested in people's thoughts on insecurity/spending.

**I'm not unhappy all day every day! But I can tell that I'm slightly unhappier than I would be otherwise, because I keep thinking about it.

Comments

[loligo]

That's interesting; I have not experienced that particular spending loop. But here's what happened to me, instead: since my kids were first born, I have occasionally worked part-time, but there were other periods where either (a) a kid needed my full attention, (b) I was too depressed to both parent and work, or (c) I couldn't find an appropriate part-time job. During those times, I was starved for achievement, and shopping for bargains became my "work". I knew, but couldn't emotionally convince myself, that spending money on something you don't need is still spending money on something you don't need, even when it's a REALLY GREAT DEAL. Now I'm earning money again... and suddenly I'm much less tempted to spend it.

[metaphortunate]

Ahaha I LOVE your icon. :D

Man the gulf between what you know and what you can emotionally convince yourself of is such a pitfall...