pretty things and money, part 2

[metaphortunate]

And on another note, I have recently been privileged to see, up close and personal, an didactically clear example of why exactly it is so profitable for various industries to keep us in a constant state of insecurity. Since about my eighth month of pregnancy - and much more strongly since giving birth - I have felt ugly*. It makes a shocking difference to my level of happiness. I mean, I am noticeably unhappy about it every day, all day. Even though whether or not I am ugly affects most of my daily life not at all. I can't seem to shake it**.

And, as a consequence, I'm spending money. I'm not exactly going on shopping sprees - except for nursing tops, I guess, but it turns out I didn't used to own any of those, so I kind of had to - but when I buy things I need, I'm buying pricier ones. I bought fancy jeans to replace the ones that wore out. When I had to buy sunglasses, I bought fancy ones. I bought a pretty watch. Because when I'm feeling ugly, it's more worth money to me that at least my clothes can look nice.


*Please don't comment to tell me about whether or not I actually look ugly; it's not a rational thing, you can't help. I appreciate it if you were gonna. I was considering turning off comments but I'm interested in people's thoughts on insecurity/spending.

**I'm not unhappy all day every day! But I can tell that I'm slightly unhappier than I would be otherwise, because I keep thinking about it.

Comments

[laurashapiro]

This happens to me regularly, even though on some level I have been "so over" consumption, capitalism, and femme-ness for a decade. Back in the day, I would buy a new lipstick. Cheap, but still...

These days I have minor freakouts whenever I need a haircut or am bloated from PMS or having a hard time in the relationship, and I look at myself and don't like what I see. And the solution my lizard brain suggests? "Buy new clothes!" Which I object to on about 47 different levels.

The thing that makes me crazy is that it actually works. If I give in to the impulse and buy something I love that looks great on me, I feel better. Sometimes, a LOT better.

I hate the whole thing.

[metaphortunate]

Eh, I dunno. Given the therapy-meds-go-round people get stuck on for so long, if spending $10 to hem my jeans actually makes me feel better, for reals? I WILL SPEND THAT $10. I mean, holy shit. Even pricey pricey sunglasses are cheaper than one single session of therapy!

[laurashapiro]

You make a compelling argument. (:

[badgerbag]

Totally agreed here. Nice things are nice to have!