metaphortunate son (
metaphortunate) wrote2016-01-02 02:21 pm
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it ain't you, babe
Okay y'all, L and I did shape each other's personalities to the degree that that's inescapable when you're good friends with someone from the ages of 7 to 17, but come on. I was not a blank slate and she was not my second grade Svengali. I would not be the same person at the age of 36 that I was at the age of 6 whether or not I had ever met L. My parents have just always preferred to blame the bits of my personality that they don't like on my friends. And okay, there's some truth to that, but it's also a chicken and egg question: these are the friends I've had because I chose them, for reasons of my own, because these are the people that I have wanted to know and love and be like. I chose you all, and you chose me, and we shape each other but you are not the cause of me.
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(Though if there's a custody split, the other parent/guardian may get assigned the job of Corrupter instead or in addition. Other sinister explanations for children having their own personalities: teachers, the internet, books/TV/games/etc, or psych/health problems (real or imagined).)
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While I did in fact meet a bunch of like-minded pagan types, and meeting them was in fact the catalyst for dumping him, the fact that I couldn't trust him with a root login on my laptop had more to do with the dumping than anything else. Particularly when I did the "... wait, I can trust these people who I've known for not even three months more than I can trust the guy I'm planning to marry. CLEARLY THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG HERE WHICH MUCH BE RECTIFIED."
The answer was not, by the way, "seeing the light" and restoring BJ's root access.
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(In the weeks prior, he'd done a thing I'd said not to do, so I pulled his account's access and changed all the other passwords. When he called and asked for the main admin account password I knew I had done the right thing.)
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Or she may not even have actually felt that way at the time, and it's just kind of the narrative of the day. I know my grandmother was constantly retconning her personal history of her kids doing stuff wrong. Did she know Dad had "gotten bad" in grade school, or was he her perfect angel until law school, or... who knows.
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