the flu, the sadness

[metaphortunate]

This is the pants-shittingly awful thing about depression.


When I have the flu:

What do I need to do in order to get better?

• Sleep.

What is the only thing in the world I feel capable of doing?

• Sleeeeeeeeep.

When I have depression:

What do I need to do in order to get better?

• Get plenty of exercise.
  
• Keep my house in some kind of order so it's not despair-inducing just to sit in my living room.
  
• Put in the effort to maintain social connections with my friends.
  
• Find a therapist, that my insurance will pay for, who is accepting new clients, and who actually works for me. This may involve talking about incredibly difficult personal things to a number of different complete strangers before I find one that will help.
  
• Find a psychiatrist, that my insurance will pay for, who is accepting new clients, and who actually works for me. This may involve talking about incredibly difficult personal things to a number of different complete strangers before I find one that will help.
  
• Find psychiatric medication that works for me without unacceptable side effects. This may involve trying a number of different drugs. This may involve getting used to some side effects.

What is the only thing in the world I feel capable of doing?

• Sleeeeeeeeep.

ETA: I am currently fine! Well. At least, I am having the kind of month that reminds me what a luxury it is to be able to be my own worst enemy.

But, on the bright side, I'm not doing that right now. Just meditating on the shittiness of the disease in general.

Comments

[quartzpebble]

Oh yes.

Solidarity and luck to you.

[metaphortunate]

thanks! I'm actually doing ok right now. Which allows me time to think about it, I guess.

[quartzpebble]

Glad to hear it, and I hope it's possible to put things in place before you need them next.

[snarp]

Yep. Yep! Yepppppp.

[recessional]

Network drive-by of oh GOD do I feel you on this one and wish you all the luck and fortitude ever.

[metaphortunate]

Thanks! I'm actually ok at the moment, which is great; just thinking about it.

[laurashapiro]

I hope you can give yourself some slack here: sleep is, in fact, your body's top priority when you're sick. Well, that and fluids.

I'm sorry the brain-weasels have got you. Do you need anything? I can cone over, make soup...?

[metaphortunate]

On the bright side, I am just thinking out loud; I do not currently have brain weasels. Yay! On the not so bright side, I did just discover that what I do have, in the garage, is rats. So if you have any advice on a less metaphorical unwelcome infestation...

[laurashapiro]

Oh dear. We haven't dealt with rats, only mice. But we quite liked these guys: Marina Pest Control -- they were fast, affordable, and pleasant to deal with.

Good luck!

[(Anonymous)]

We had mice and we used one of these http://www.ratzapper.org/ and it was great. Reasonably humane (if you're a monster like me who thinks there is such a thing as humane killing), no poison involved, easy use and cleanup.

-Kcat

[metaphortunate]

Oh good: I just put one of those down in the garage with a few almonds in it. What bait did you use?

[wrabbit]

This may involve talking about incredibly difficult personal things to a number of different complete strangers before I find one that will help.

This is probably my biggest obstacle to getting therapy. It's so violating to open myself up to someone and then be told, idk, that I'm sad because I'm gay and need to not be gay or similar nonsense. That happened once. For the last one I sent an email detailing the things I wanted to talk about and my concerns, but it still didn't work out for more mundane reasons.

[rosefox]

I am very annoyed that I have had to perfect the "Hello I am depressed and anxious and that has nothing to do with being queer and trans and poly" introductory email/voicemail. Fortunately I'm in a major metro area where the trans-friendly therapist lists contain multiple names, and I still had to go outside of my insurance coverage to find someone truly understanding and educated (not just accepting!) who I clicked with. It's a giant pain.

[wrabbit]

Amen. It's hella hard. I'm considering trying again once I'm back on health insurance.

[rosefox]

Best of luck!

[jesse_the_k]

Excellent summary! Wish it weren't neccesary. Carry on with your daunting load of responsibilities as well as your far flung group of admirers.

[ironed_orchid]

I get the added bonus where all I want to do is sleep, but I can only do it at times when I ought to be getting out of the house and doing all that other stuff.

Can't usually make appointments or catch up for coffee at 3am, no matter how busy the brain weasels are.

[brooksmoses]

Yeah.

And then there's the combination of getting a cold when one is depressed.

(Which I have been dealing with for the past two weeks, although luckily the depression is already mostly controlled and the cold wasn't flu-grade. But, still. There has been a lot of intentional and difficult self-acceptance in my feelings about the amount of time I've spent in bed lately.)