the pleasure and pain of 50 shades

[metaphortunate]

As you probably know, the 50 Shades of Grey movie came out recently.

Delightful: the explosion of men impotently railing "This isn't sexy! Why would anyone think this was sexy! It's awful! It's terrible! Stop finding it sexy!"


(drawn by floccinaucinihilipilificationa; thanks, kate_nepveu!)

Incidentally, have you noticed? Sometimes things that are just not that well written become hugely popular among men, or majority men. Star Wars, for example. Then there is an enormous collective effort to figure out what's appealing about it: explosions, special effects, the Hero's Journey, etc. And sometimes things that are just not that well written become hugely popular among women. Then there is an enormous collective effort to explain what's wrong with women for liking it.

Irritating as all fuck: all the earnest BDSMers finger-wagging about how dangerous it is that this story has fallen into the hands of women who Know Not The Truth About BDSM.

Y'all. It is a fantasy. Fan. Ta. Sy. I've got a copy of The Topping Book and Dossie Easton cheerfully writes about helping a guy figure out how to play out his fantasy of literally skinning his lover. You've read Doc and Fluff - you know, groundbreaking BDSM classic? About healthy safe and sane relationships, is it? Fuck's sake, stop freaking out because women are doing some homosocial bonding over fantasizing about a hot toppy billionaire.

(The famous tampon scene? The "ewww, why would anyone want to read that?" scene? Yes. In a world where girls don't want to let guys go down on them because they think they're "gross", let us wonder what on earth women might find appealing about a book with a scene in which a man is so comfortable with and completely not grossed out at all by a woman's normal bodily functions that it doesn't kill the mood for him to take out her tampon. It may remain forever a mystery.)

Comments

[rydra_wong]

But some of the responses to stuff like @50shadesofabuse seems to indicate that there are some people receiving it as "this is how consent is supposed to work in RL BDSM".

I like Cliff Pervocracy's comment here:

http://pervocracy.tumblr.com/post/110380465704/intrigue-posthaste-please-pervocracy-snip

[lederhosen]

Yes, that sums up my qualms about it nicely. But I don't know what the ratio is of people who don't make the appropriate fantasy/reality distinction to people who do; it seems to be higher than the "zero" that I'd like it to be, but I don't know how it compares to the percentage of people who learn bad relationship lessons from e.g. Love Actually or Say Anything.

(And I do love Pervocracy's sporking of 50SoG.)

[rydra_wong]

I also like this a lot:

http://pervocracy.tumblr.com/post/110374452439/bad-ways-to-criticize-50-shades-of-grey-its-a

Which is in sync with metaphortunate's criticism of some of the criticisms.

[metaphortunate]

I'm gonna take it back to Star Wars. I played Princess Leia, etc., as a kid. If anyone had asked me "but why would you want to pretend that? Her whole family is killed! She gets tortured by a medical robot! Etc." I would have said something about how but the bad guys get killed in the end and run away. I wouldn't have said "but it's just a fantasy." I might now, but I'm more willing to unpack my enjoyment of things now. If I was still really invested in enjoying things without "thinking about them too much", I would have gone for the Watsonian justifications, not the Doylist ones.

[rydra_wong]

I would have said something about how but the bad guys get killed in the end and run away. I wouldn't have said "but it's just a fantasy."

Not sure if I'm reading correctly -- are you saying that "she signed a contract and it's BDSM so it's consensual!" is the equivalent here of "the bad guys get killed in the end!" i.e. it's the Watsonian justification for being allowed to enjoy it without having to unpack it?

[metaphortunate]

Yeah, that's my reading of the situation.

[rydra_wong]

Ooh. That's an interesting read on it. Must ponder.

[kalmn]

No one watching 50 shades is a kid, though. And we all played Leia because she was the only woman in the movie. Not to say that your metaphor is wrong, just flawed. And I think the ways in which it is flawed are relevant. If there were portrayals of healthy bdsm relationships out there, I wouldn't mind as much. But even Secretary is low on consent and negotiation. It's not that they're bad examples; it's that they're the only examples.

[lovepeaceohana]

No one watching 50 shades is a kid, though.

Watching, probably not; it's got that great big R-rating all over it. But reading? I managed to find texts by and about the Marquis de Sade well before I was of an age to appropriately digest them. I imagine that there are plenty of creative kids who'll find ways to read this book, especially since it's everywhere. I've had to have conversations with my four- and six-year-olds about it because they keep hearing ads on the radio.