how to shrink a life

[metaphortunate]

I know this is one of those things. Everyone who lets their kids take more risks than mine is negligent. Everyone who makes their kids take fewer risks is smothering and overprotective.

Nonetheless. It breaks my heart to see all the little girls who see the Junebug doing a slightly adventurous thing, and copy him, only to bring their parents swooping down all "No, no, honey! We don't do that! That's dangerous!" Then they sadly watch the Junebug climb or swing or jump and I sadly watch them learning that adventure is for boys. They start binding our spirits so early.

Comments

[lovepeaceohana]

Right there with you, hon.

And it's a tough thing, too, because one would hope that the parent is accurately judging the abilities of their own child and not falling prey to gendered stereotypes ... but in looking at the patterns, the conclusions are inescapable.

[thistleingrey]

Yeah. I get the side-eye for not telling my daughter to quit whichever adventurous thing it is, and sometimes worse side-eye for explaining how to do it more efficiently (hey, years of gymnastics were good for balance), because I'm apparently breaking XX-chromosome solidarity. Well, fuck that. It does seem to me that if a child has been kept from climbing and scrambling around randomly, by 3-4 there's a definite gap in ability to assess--like, the kid can't necessarily tell whether their muscles can handle it but they're too big and non-squishy to flop through it the way an ambitious yearling would--so in a strict safety sense, continuing to keep a kid who hasn't been permitted so far to climb from climbing is reasonable. grrr.

On the plus side, my daughter's new taekwondo class is a fairly even mix of girls and boys, and most of the slightly older kids approach things with keen determination. Yay for random positive modeling.

[metaphortunate]

Good for you, though. And your daughter!

(At the park I sometimes sneakily encourage girls to climb shit behind their mothers' backs. Don't tell anyone.)

[thistleingrey]

I am all for sneaky encouragement under a watchful eye! Better to fall or to be all "What exciting thing have I been missing all my life" when under ten than when 30+, IMO.

[lovepeaceohana]

because I'm apparently breaking XX-chromosome solidarity

sometimes I wish I'd had a girl* just so I could intentionally do that kind of shit >.<

_{*genders of our children seem to be settling in at "boy," although Lu does sometimes prefer neutral pronouns}

[metaphortunate]

Did you see the study about how mothers - mothers! - underestimate what girl babies can do but not boys? :( Patterns, indeed.

[lovepeaceohana]

Ugh :( I've also read that the inverse is true, that parents of boys often overestimate their boy-child's abilities and so boys wind up with small injuries more frequently than girls. Which again feeds back into the "oh boys are just more physical" etc.

(I can't tell whether I do that; I had so little experience with small children prior to my own that I just literally have no idea what they're capable of, so I tend to follow their lead where it doesn't seem obviously unsafe ... but then again, I consider myself more willing to take risks than my peers, so.)

[azurelunatic]

That is tragic. :(

[laurashapiro]

God, that is fucking tragic.