metaphortunate son (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
metaphortunate) wrote2015-02-05 09:30 pm
metaphortunate) wrote2015-02-05 09:30 pm
Entry tags:
follow-up: dig two graves
Well, I feel the answer to the question of whether I told the Junebug the right thing has been swiftly answered, inasmuch as he hit another kid with a shovel today.
It's really great when the action-feedback loop is so immediate. Yes. That emotion I'm feeling is probably gratitude.
Anyway.
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nihilistic_kid had a great suggestion, which was to kick the kick, not the kid. Which is really what I should have been getting at in the first place. It's okay to stop someone else from hurting you. It's not okay to hurt them in revenge: that just takes you down a path you don't want to go.
(I mean, iterated prisoner's dilemma is a thing, but he's too young for that.)
I also found it very interesting that there was a sharp divide between most people from California saying that tattling is absolutely the way to go, and people from everywhere else saying that no, you gotta fight back. This morning I asked my coworker with the older kids about it. She's from California. She said tattling all the way.
So! You have to know your local social norms. I will start emphasizing telling the teacher. We'll do some physical blocking practice. And we'll see how that goes.
-----
By the way, he's not being bullied, as far as I can tell. This is all...kids being physical, the way they do. Today one kid bit a teacher. These things happen.
It's hard because they're all learning with each other. When I was learning to pass clubs, I practiced with some other beginning jugglers, and I practiced with some expert jugglers. It was SO MUCH EASIER to pass with the expert jugglers! They throw clubs that are easy to catch! They caught all my garbage throws! All the kids are beginner human beings trying to learn how to human with other beginners. It's hard. This morning the Junebug mentioned his temporary tattoo that he got this summer. It lasted like a week, he loved that thing. But this morning he sadly asked me why all the other kids kept touching it when he didn't want them to.
"How many times have I told you to quit poking people on the bus?"
"SO MANY." Aggrieved expression. This clearly weighs on him.
"That's because you're still learning how to respect other people's boundaries. So are all the other kids! You have to be patient."
It's really great when the action-feedback loop is so immediate. Yes. That emotion I'm feeling is probably gratitude.
Anyway.
nihilistic_kid had a great suggestion, which was to kick the kick, not the kid. Which is really what I should have been getting at in the first place. It's okay to stop someone else from hurting you. It's not okay to hurt them in revenge: that just takes you down a path you don't want to go.(I mean, iterated prisoner's dilemma is a thing, but he's too young for that.)
I also found it very interesting that there was a sharp divide between most people from California saying that tattling is absolutely the way to go, and people from everywhere else saying that no, you gotta fight back. This morning I asked my coworker with the older kids about it. She's from California. She said tattling all the way.
So! You have to know your local social norms. I will start emphasizing telling the teacher. We'll do some physical blocking practice. And we'll see how that goes.
-----
By the way, he's not being bullied, as far as I can tell. This is all...kids being physical, the way they do. Today one kid bit a teacher. These things happen.
It's hard because they're all learning with each other. When I was learning to pass clubs, I practiced with some other beginning jugglers, and I practiced with some expert jugglers. It was SO MUCH EASIER to pass with the expert jugglers! They throw clubs that are easy to catch! They caught all my garbage throws! All the kids are beginner human beings trying to learn how to human with other beginners. It's hard. This morning the Junebug mentioned his temporary tattoo that he got this summer. It lasted like a week, he loved that thing. But this morning he sadly asked me why all the other kids kept touching it when he didn't want them to.
"How many times have I told you to quit poking people on the bus?"
"SO MANY." Aggrieved expression. This clearly weighs on him.
"That's because you're still learning how to respect other people's boundaries. So are all the other kids! You have to be patient."
no subject
Harimad here
(Anonymous) 2015-02-06 03:45 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
no subject
no subject
Meaning that they're often very good at figuring out how to interpret the rules in a way that works best for them, and not yet very good at figuring out how to foresee how others will view their actions. So while teaching little kids that they are allowed to defend themselves is a very important lesson, it's hard to get them to appreciate nuance. Nuance is tricky.
no subject