40

[metaphortunate]

So now I'm forty.

And I got this unexpected nice thing out of it. See, I'm not twenty anymore. And I don't look twenty. And in recent years I would see myself in the mirror, or in a window unexpectedly, or in a photograph, and recoil. Are those my eye bags? Is that really my double chin? My smile lines? My potbelly? Fuck, this can't be. This mirror is lying. And I would try to, I don't know, straighten my shoulders or whatever…change the angle of my head so I couldn't see a wrinkle, and pretend that this made me look okay. But Christ. I looked terrible all the time. It made me sad.

And for some reason, when I turned forty, some switch flipped in my head. I look in the mirror now and I don't feel the need to pretend that I don't see what I see. Cause I'm not seeing a decayed twenty-year-old. I'm just seeing a perfectly normal forty-year-old. And that's perfectly fine.

I think I've stopped bemoaning how old I am for a young person, and am enjoying how young I am for an old person.

Comments

[jae]

What, are you planning on skipping over middle age entirely? *g*

Happy birthday!

-J

[rosefox]

Happy birthday! Happy feeling your age in a good way! :)

[badgerbag]

Exactly!!! Also, happy birthday!!

[laurashapiro]

Damn right.

And happy birthday!

[ironed_orchid]

That sounds like a good mental switch.

Happy Birthday!

[serene]

Yep. And yep!

You are one of the first people I learned sane thinking from. Don't laugh. ;-)

I am so happy to have known you for so long, and to have you in my headspace/life/friendcircle.

[serene]

Sorry, meant the second and third paragraphs for metaphortunate, but I am not braining that well tonight.

[metaphortunate]

Aww. Thank you so much! Yes, I laughed. :)

[cofax7]

Happy birthday! Welcome to the years where you don't really GAF and it's okay.

[metaphortunate]

WIN \o/

[moominmolly]

well, that's just completely lovely.

[azurelunatic]

Congratulations on the milestone! And the mindset.

[lovepeaceohana]

Oh my gosh, I know exactly what you mean. o.O

But, happy solar return! May there be many yet to come :3

[emceeaich]

Excellent approach to this, and happy birthday!

[jesse_the_k]

Congratulations on entering one of the best Ages of Human. Still young enough to reach and bend without pity; still old enough to not waste time on what others think.

[metaphortunate]

Love it. :D

[tam_nonlinear]

Happy Birthday! I think there's some relief in hitting an age at which society has lost a lot of its interest in manipulating you- 40 year old women being largely invisible in popular culture. I mean, you could try to cheat your way back into the approved demographic, or you can laugh and say you're going to define your own meaning, and have fun with it.

[metaphortunate]

Also I have lost a lot of interest in caring about whether they're trying to manipulate me! I mean, I would be interested, but I don't have TIME.

[phi]

Happy birthday!

[roadrunnertwice]

Happy birthday!!!

[jrtom]

The strongest association that I have with turning 40 (which I did a couple of years ago) is something that my mom said about 30 years ago: "Before you turn 40, you're weird. After you turn 40, you're eccentric." I am fond of this way of looking at things.

For what it's worth, when I've been around you, at least, you have way more energy than one normally associates with People Of A Certain Age (that is, whatever age you were at the time *grin*). This is is one of the reasons why I enjoy hanging out with you (however infrequently it actually happens).

Also, ¡feliz cumpleaños!

(Also also: how did I miss that you apparently share a birthday with my oldest child? :) )

[metaphortunate]

Thank you!

(I did not actually post this on my birthday. It took me a few weeks to understand my feelings.)

[wild_irises]

Happy birthday!

[snippy]

My change happened at 50: I am crone-ing happily. Nobody catcalls me anymore! I love my gray hair! I dress like an eccentric grandmother BECAUSE I AM ONE!

[metaphortunate]

Yay!

[brainwane]

Wishing you a very happy birthday.