talking

[metaphortunate]

Been hearing about some sad breakups in my friend circle recently. I'm so sorry, you guys.

And it struck me that I was hearing a common theme: and that theme was lack of communication - lack of honesty, perhaps. Which is a spectrum from deception to drifting apart for lack of keeping connections open and alive.

It made me find a way to bring up some stuff last night that had been on my mind and I had been keeping to myself because, you know, it's a hard time with the baby and all, why burden ourselves by bringing up more issues, when you're already feeling bad it's a bad time to talk, etc. But that's a bad road. Though it's fucking hard to remember that sometimes.

Comments

[jesse_the_k]

amen.

[wild_irises]

I am so glad some good is coming out of all this.

I know I'm not the only person who said to my partner "Are there things we need to talk about that we aren't talking about?" or "Are there lies you've been telling me that you wish you could clear up?" But bringing something up is even stronger.

[metaphortunate]

It's HARD! if you've been keeping something to yourself you have a reason, you know?

[kalmn]

...those are lovely phrasings and I think I will steal them.

[norah]

because, you know, it's a hard time with the baby and all, why burden ourselves by bringing up more issues, when you're already feeling bad it's a bad time to talk, etc.

Oh my God, yes. This.

This is why I ended up sobbing in front of my new therapist three years after my daughter was born, a complete wreck of rock-bottom relationship misery. Because talking makes it so much worse before it makes it better, like deep-cleaning a house makes it messier before it gets cleaner, and I didn't have it in me to take that step until there was no other option.

Go you, for the talking.

[phi]

talking makes it so much worse before it makes it better, like deep-cleaning a house makes it messier before it gets cleaner

This is so spot-on I could cry.

[metaphortunate]

Sometimes you just don't have the activation energy. You just don't.

[badgerbag]

Much respect for that.

[laurashapiro]

Hope the conversation was productive, at least. ::hugs::

I am not a keep-it-inside person, but I seem to get into relationships with them. I'm always the one saying "Just tell me! I can take it! We'll work it out!"

[rosefox]

I haven't heard about any breakups recently, but the theme of the last two years over here has definitely been "Be honest even when it's really really hard and everyone's sick/tired/depressed/whatever and it might be inconvenient and someone might get angry". And we're sticking with it. Even when it's hard.

[amaebi]

I salute you.