metaphortunate son (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
metaphortunate) wrote2013-10-12 09:31 pm
metaphortunate) wrote2013-10-12 09:31 pm
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these are the days
We're very excited over here because the Junebug has transitioned to the room for the next older kids in his daycare. This is exciting because this is the room in which they start doing toilet training! Oh, the teachers in his old room were willing to ask him if he wanted to use the potty once in a while, but this is the room in which all the kids are doing it and it is seriously part of the daily schedule. And while we have agreed not to start sending him to daycare in underwear in the same month as he switched rooms and gained a baby brother; we will phase out daytime diapers entirely next month, if all goes well.
Unfortunately the more immediate consequence is that he is in a new room, with brand new kids to make friends with, who are carrying a variety of exciting new diseases. So he and I are both sick. Poor little guy. To no one's surprise, the ability to recognize that you are not actually feeling overwhelmed to the point of breaking down in tears because you were given bok choy instead of broccoli for dinner, but instead because your nose is running and you are tired; and to accept that the cure is not broccoli, it is going to bed early; is a fairly advanced one. It does not seem to manifest at the age of two.
Frankly it is still sometimes hard to keep in mind in my late 30s.
If you haven't had a baby in the last 20 years or so, you may not have heard of the Safe to Sleep or Back to Sleep campaign. Basically, they have started recommending that babies under the age of a year sleep by themselves, on their backs, in light clothing, with no blanket, without a hat. And since this has started, deaths from SIDS have dropped by 50%.
Which is, obviously, great. The only problem is that no one has yet managed to explain this to the babies. And most babies - okay, babies vary, and I know there are lucky people whose babies prefer to sleep on their backs alone on an infinite plane, but it turns out that most babies prefer to sleep on their bellies. Most babies like to sleep on a person, or near a person. They like to be held and they like to be warm.
And when they're newborns, they need to eat every two to three hours. Not from meal's end to meal's beginning; from beginning to beginning. And if you're nursing, then you, lucky person, are the one who has to wake up every two hours. And stay awake, perhaps, for at least half an hour, if you're not lucky enough to be able to sleep while the baby nurses, which is less likely when the baby is a newborn who is still getting the hang of this nursing thing and needs help keeping the boob in his mouth and so on. So there's a good chance that you will sleep, max, for an hour and a half at a time, for weeks on end.
And so at two in the morning you will find yourself, with your dulled mind, facing the fact that you can lay your baby down, on his back, in the approved safest fashion, in his crib, and he will cry and fuss for forty minutes and then perhaps you can sleep for forty minutes and then he will cry until you wake up to nurse him again. Or you can put him on his side in your bed next to you and he will be asleep in five minutes. Maybe less. And you can sleep twice as long. And he has a higher risk of dying. And not only that, of course; if he dies of SIDS on his back in his crib, that would be a terrible tragedy. But if he dies in your bed, that would be a terrible tragedy which will be your fault. So, you know. You can think about that while you go to sleep.
God forgive us all, if you take that risk for an extra half an hour's sleep, you'll be far from the only one.
Unfortunately the more immediate consequence is that he is in a new room, with brand new kids to make friends with, who are carrying a variety of exciting new diseases. So he and I are both sick. Poor little guy. To no one's surprise, the ability to recognize that you are not actually feeling overwhelmed to the point of breaking down in tears because you were given bok choy instead of broccoli for dinner, but instead because your nose is running and you are tired; and to accept that the cure is not broccoli, it is going to bed early; is a fairly advanced one. It does not seem to manifest at the age of two.
Frankly it is still sometimes hard to keep in mind in my late 30s.
If you haven't had a baby in the last 20 years or so, you may not have heard of the Safe to Sleep or Back to Sleep campaign. Basically, they have started recommending that babies under the age of a year sleep by themselves, on their backs, in light clothing, with no blanket, without a hat. And since this has started, deaths from SIDS have dropped by 50%.
Which is, obviously, great. The only problem is that no one has yet managed to explain this to the babies. And most babies - okay, babies vary, and I know there are lucky people whose babies prefer to sleep on their backs alone on an infinite plane, but it turns out that most babies prefer to sleep on their bellies. Most babies like to sleep on a person, or near a person. They like to be held and they like to be warm.
And when they're newborns, they need to eat every two to three hours. Not from meal's end to meal's beginning; from beginning to beginning. And if you're nursing, then you, lucky person, are the one who has to wake up every two hours. And stay awake, perhaps, for at least half an hour, if you're not lucky enough to be able to sleep while the baby nurses, which is less likely when the baby is a newborn who is still getting the hang of this nursing thing and needs help keeping the boob in his mouth and so on. So there's a good chance that you will sleep, max, for an hour and a half at a time, for weeks on end.
And so at two in the morning you will find yourself, with your dulled mind, facing the fact that you can lay your baby down, on his back, in the approved safest fashion, in his crib, and he will cry and fuss for forty minutes and then perhaps you can sleep for forty minutes and then he will cry until you wake up to nurse him again. Or you can put him on his side in your bed next to you and he will be asleep in five minutes. Maybe less. And you can sleep twice as long. And he has a higher risk of dying. And not only that, of course; if he dies of SIDS on his back in his crib, that would be a terrible tragedy. But if he dies in your bed, that would be a terrible tragedy which will be your fault. So, you know. You can think about that while you go to sleep.
God forgive us all, if you take that risk for an extra half an hour's sleep, you'll be far from the only one.
no subject
I remember having read, at the time anyway, that part of what is believed to cause SIDS is something to do with the paralysis associated with dreaming - that it also paralyzes involuntary movements, like breathing, along with usually voluntary ones like flailing about - and that bed-sharing and co-sleeping may actually help prevent SIDS because the mother's (or, well, parent's) breathing stimulates the baby's breathing, or something. Anyway that's what I always called to mind because yeah, I worried so much about that.
Buuuuuut I worried more when he was away from me in a crib across the room and I couldn't actually hear him breathing, so. Lu and I spent the first month of his life sleeping in a propped-upright position on the couch, with him on me, his belly against mine and his head on my chest, and until his brother was born he slept in our bed, usually on me or at least on my arm.
Anecdata I know, but in case you needed to hear from someone else who's done that and whose children are still both hale and healthy - there you have it.
no subject
There are a lot of theories, but no one really knows what causes it. People talk about those breathing cues, but they also talk about staph, and the breastfeeding link is really weird.
no subject
At any rate I am sorry that y'all are ill with new and exciting germs - that's never fun to have to deal with, and I hope everyone's health improves soon.
no subject
best wishes.
no subject
A couple of times my husband or relative would give the baby a bottle while I pumped in the middle of the night. I know a lot of women (you?) hate pumping, and I don't like it, but at least I could zone out during it, and it only took ten minutes instead of half an hour, and I didn't have to burp the baby after. ARGH WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES.
(I know why! E is the cutest thing ever! But man, it SUCKED. Go you!)
no subject
It'll be more possible when he's a little older, I expect.
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no subject
There's also the fact that your kid's welfare (and life expectancy) is enhanced by having sane parents that get closer to enough sleep. I think it's worth including this in the explicit cost/benefit analysis. :)
Personally, I used the power of my armpit to put our kids to sleep next to me on many, many occasions. None of them appear to be suffering from oxygen deprivation.
no subject