metaphortunate son (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
metaphortunate) wrote2013-05-18 10:02 pm
metaphortunate) wrote2013-05-18 10:02 pm
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Your Pregnancy: Week 87,213
Congratulations! You're almost halfway through your pregnancy - only 91,422 weeks to go!
At 24 inches and 73 pounds, your baby is about the size of a widescreen TV. He's got a long way to go - remember, a healthy full-term baby will be about the size of the Miami-Ft. Lauderdale major metropolitan area. However, all his major systems and organs are already formed! Your baby has the ability to kick, roll over, wallow in his own urine, suck his thumb, and whine for crackers. Now his organs just need to grow larger and mature. And you may ask yourself, if everything is basically formed, why does he have to mature on the INSIDE of my abdominal muscles? I can totally create a warm and welcoming environment on the outside of my body, I will order some cute goddamn wall decals from Etsy or something. And the answer is, ahahahahaha sucks to be you, that's why.
Incidentally, if you ever plan to be pregnant and you want to keep that shit under wraps as long as possible - which you shouldn't have to, that's totally up to you, but especially if you plan to keep working people do treat you differently once they know you're pregnant and there can definitely be some advantages to keeping it to yourself, like for example not getting demoted from something like project manager to something more like head of stationery organization - do not even mess with empire waist blouses and crap like that until you are in your third trimester, when you won't have much choice anyway. The reason being that they make you look like you're in your third trimester when you're not even pregnant. What you want are some long loose cardigans of the kind that don't fasten at all but just have drapes in front. Basically you want to look like you have enormous labia down the front of your entire torso. You can totally hide a three months' belly behind that.
I went to the Junebug's daycare on Friday and like half the mothers of kids in his cohort are pregnant. The other half already have more than one kid. I guess it's that time - about two years apart. Nice to be painfully predictable, but at least we can greet each other with a grim fist in the air and a "Be strong, sister."
At 24 inches and 73 pounds, your baby is about the size of a widescreen TV. He's got a long way to go - remember, a healthy full-term baby will be about the size of the Miami-Ft. Lauderdale major metropolitan area. However, all his major systems and organs are already formed! Your baby has the ability to kick, roll over, wallow in his own urine, suck his thumb, and whine for crackers. Now his organs just need to grow larger and mature. And you may ask yourself, if everything is basically formed, why does he have to mature on the INSIDE of my abdominal muscles? I can totally create a warm and welcoming environment on the outside of my body, I will order some cute goddamn wall decals from Etsy or something. And the answer is, ahahahahaha sucks to be you, that's why.
Incidentally, if you ever plan to be pregnant and you want to keep that shit under wraps as long as possible - which you shouldn't have to, that's totally up to you, but especially if you plan to keep working people do treat you differently once they know you're pregnant and there can definitely be some advantages to keeping it to yourself, like for example not getting demoted from something like project manager to something more like head of stationery organization - do not even mess with empire waist blouses and crap like that until you are in your third trimester, when you won't have much choice anyway. The reason being that they make you look like you're in your third trimester when you're not even pregnant. What you want are some long loose cardigans of the kind that don't fasten at all but just have drapes in front. Basically you want to look like you have enormous labia down the front of your entire torso. You can totally hide a three months' belly behind that.
I went to the Junebug's daycare on Friday and like half the mothers of kids in his cohort are pregnant. The other half already have more than one kid. I guess it's that time - about two years apart. Nice to be painfully predictable, but at least we can greet each other with a grim fist in the air and a "Be strong, sister."
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(A group of us recently also had a conversation with a male coworker, whose wife is at the 7-8 month mark. He admitted that most of what he knew about pregnancy had come from television, and that he had not previously been aware of the transitional stage between "OMG might be pregnant" and "basketball". It is possible we spoiled him on the whole "labor lasts longer than a commercial break" plot twist as well.)
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Genevieve Valentine calls the pregnancy bellies actresses wear "bairnsketballs".
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I wear those open cardigans! But now I'm going to be thinking about labia the whole time.
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LABIAL SWEATER FISTBUMP
Although I haven't seen any sweater which matches this amazing Imperial Jasper.
I think it's lovely, but I also think nobody else in the world would wear it. I guess I could splurge.
Re: LABIAL SWEATER FISTBUMP
Re: LABIAL SWEATER FISTBUMP
Re: LABIAL SWEATER FISTBUMP
It makes me nervous when online stores don't list any prices, though.
Re: LABIAL SWEATER FISTBUMP