metaphortunate son (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
metaphortunate) wrote2013-03-10 11:57 pm
metaphortunate) wrote2013-03-10 11:57 pm
Entry tags:
things my parents did right #1
I complain about my folks a lot. I should note also that I think there were a lot of things they did right. I think in fact that they were much better at being parents to children than they are at being parents to adults, a fact that gives me pause as I think about the Junebug growing up. It turns out you have to keep being good at this stuff. :/
Anyway, I wanted to spend some time thinking about things I think they did right. Because I want to do those things myself, when the time comes.
In no particular order. For no particular reason, this is one that occurred to me today.
My mom and I got into many, many furious conflicts of "You WILL [wear this/clean this/go here/say this/do this]!" - "NO I WON'T!", as children or teenagers and their parents do. And she would get very angry. But often - I remember this clearly - as we reached our impasse, she would stare at me for a while, and eventually from looking angry her face would shift into a more ambiguous, possibly almost slightly pleased or satisfied expression. And she would say, "Well I just hope that you are as stubborn when other people try to pressure you into doing things, that's all!"
And, you know, I was. And really I think that it was partly due to her explicitly drawing that connection for me, that if I didn't let her talk me into things, why should I let anyone else talk me into things? I know I was less likely to be talked into things than other kids I knew. I remember a number of occasions when I stubbornly resisted doing things that I really didn't think I should, even though it inconvenienced or irritated my friends - including things like accepting a ride from someone who had been drinking - and somewhere in the back of my mind was the thought, yeah, this is what stubbornness is for.
Anyway, I wanted to spend some time thinking about things I think they did right. Because I want to do those things myself, when the time comes.
In no particular order. For no particular reason, this is one that occurred to me today.
My mom and I got into many, many furious conflicts of "You WILL [wear this/clean this/go here/say this/do this]!" - "NO I WON'T!", as children or teenagers and their parents do. And she would get very angry. But often - I remember this clearly - as we reached our impasse, she would stare at me for a while, and eventually from looking angry her face would shift into a more ambiguous, possibly almost slightly pleased or satisfied expression. And she would say, "Well I just hope that you are as stubborn when other people try to pressure you into doing things, that's all!"
And, you know, I was. And really I think that it was partly due to her explicitly drawing that connection for me, that if I didn't let her talk me into things, why should I let anyone else talk me into things? I know I was less likely to be talked into things than other kids I knew. I remember a number of occasions when I stubbornly resisted doing things that I really didn't think I should, even though it inconvenienced or irritated my friends - including things like accepting a ride from someone who had been drinking - and somewhere in the back of my mind was the thought, yeah, this is what stubbornness is for.
no subject
I may have said this to you, but I think parenting is the single hardest thing that people do. I like to rephrase "it's not rocket science" or "it's not brain surgery" as "it's not parenting." And one of the things that makes it so hard is the moving target nature, where whatever worked yesterday has a chance of being completely wrong today.
no subject
Also, yeah. They did a lot of things right! And I should pay more attention to those! Partly I guess because it's not really fair that my friends have an even more negative view of my parents than they deserve; but more because I should really take advantage of all the good that I had in my parenting role models. And it was there. And I'm going to need it!