metaphortunate son (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
metaphortunate) wrote2012-10-15 09:43 pm
metaphortunate) wrote2012-10-15 09:43 pm
Entry tags:
what are the odds?
I know seven het couples, including the one I form a part of, that got together and got serious despite both of them knowing at the time that one half of the couple wanted to have children, or at least a child, and one half strongly did not.
All seven of those het couples currently have one child, and I happen to know that at least one of the others is currently working on a second.
Possibly there are tons and tons of couples who get together despite this discrepancy and many of them end up with no kids but it just happens that the seven that I know all went the other way.
In four of them the guy was the one who wanted a child, in three it was the girl.
I don't know any of the people in the other couples well enough to ask them if they got pressured. (I feel like you would have to know someone really fucking well to ask that question. Or, not at all. I've had some hella deep conversations with people I knew I would never meet again.) I know that I was never pressured, that I changed my mind, and didn't tell Mr. E until it was almost too late, because it's such a difficult thing to change your mind about. I wonder how it went for other people.
I'm sure a lot of people get together but don't get serious because they don't agree on this issue. I wonder whether there is any correlation between getting serious and secret doubts about one's position. At the time we started getting serious, I didn't have conscious doubts. Still, I'd never seriously considered getting my tubes tied. In retrospect, I wonder about that. My brain does a lot of shit it doesn't feel the need to let me in on.
I don't have any conclusions, but I think about it a lot.
Have a couple of links:
"No Children", by the Mountain Goats.
"The Ghost Ship that Didn't Carry Us", by Cheryl Strayed.
All seven of those het couples currently have one child, and I happen to know that at least one of the others is currently working on a second.
Possibly there are tons and tons of couples who get together despite this discrepancy and many of them end up with no kids but it just happens that the seven that I know all went the other way.
In four of them the guy was the one who wanted a child, in three it was the girl.
I don't know any of the people in the other couples well enough to ask them if they got pressured. (I feel like you would have to know someone really fucking well to ask that question. Or, not at all. I've had some hella deep conversations with people I knew I would never meet again.) I know that I was never pressured, that I changed my mind, and didn't tell Mr. E until it was almost too late, because it's such a difficult thing to change your mind about. I wonder how it went for other people.
I'm sure a lot of people get together but don't get serious because they don't agree on this issue. I wonder whether there is any correlation between getting serious and secret doubts about one's position. At the time we started getting serious, I didn't have conscious doubts. Still, I'd never seriously considered getting my tubes tied. In retrospect, I wonder about that. My brain does a lot of shit it doesn't feel the need to let me in on.
I don't have any conclusions, but I think about it a lot.
Have a couple of links:
"No Children", by the Mountain Goats.
"The Ghost Ship that Didn't Carry Us", by Cheryl Strayed.
no subject
It's an interesting subject. I'm Childfree, but my partner is not. He's also not particularly fussed one way or another. I always said to him that if he ever did want children, he is more than welcome to have them, just not with me.
I have personally always struggled with the idea of people who have kids to make a partner happy, because they 'didn't really care one way or another' etc. As far as I'm concerned, that's probably not a great sign. I mean, a lot of things can change, but I wonder how much authenticity is happening in relationships like that. But my requirements in a relationship are my own, and other people often don't have the same expectations of others or themselves.
no subject
no subject
no subject