incompetent parenting

[metaphortunate]

This past weekend we took the Junebug to Florida to meet his great-grandmother, who, alas, is not in the best of health. Basically, although we hope it is not the case, this might have been her only chance to meet him. She did get to hold him and play with him a bit, so I'm glad we went.

But given that we were in Florida - land of warm ocean! We thought we must also take a couple of hours out of our day and take the Junebug to the beach. Total, massive failure. This was our fault. We did not make sure he was nice and full before we introduced him to a scary new environment, and like most of us, the Junebug has way more emotional resilience when he's not hungry. Also, I pushed him too fast: he was okay with sitting in the sand, and seemed to kind of enjoy it, but then I took him into the water, and the WAVES ATTACKED HIM and then he was frightened and miserable. And then it occurred to me that he might be hungry! So I fed him right there, which made him feel better, except that I had not moved far enough up the beach before I sat down and I didn't want to move once he was latched on because it would involve pulling him off so Mr. E laughed his ass off about how Californian I was, sitting in the surf in my underwear nursing a naked baby, but every once in a while a particularly big wave would make it up far enough to splash us, and the baby would pull off long enough to sob heartbreakingly in terror and then SCHLOOMP back onto my boob, and basically the giant neon arrow floating over my head blinking WORST MOTHER EVER manifested again. I hate that damn thing.

And then after that of course we had a baby entirely covered in sand. We washed him, but the sand would not come off his scalp, because it was stuck to his cradle cap. Yes the Junebug has had oily yellow scales on his scalp. I realize this is gross, but in the grand scheme of baby grossness, it hardly even registers, so we had not done anything about it because it hasn't bothered him and our pediatrician says it just goes away eventually. So I was willing to live with it. But I was not willing to live with it once it was gluing sand to his head. So I sacrificed an old t-shirt and a new clean toothbrush and poured mineral oil all over his tiny head and scrubbed it with the toothbrush. Which got rid of the sand and the cradle cap! And then I shampooed him. Four times. And then Mr. E washed him the next morning. And the Junebug still went off to daycare looking like the Exxon Valdez ran aground on his head. Greaser just doesn't really do his look justice. It's possible I used too much mineral oil.

Also, I don't know about you, but nursing still makes me feel like Wolverine.

Comments

[wired]

On a transatlantic flight, I NURSED A HOLE IN MY MOM'S BOOB. I used to be horribly embarrassed by this story, like omg, noooo.

After I nursed my own babies, I came to realize that this story was not about my mom suffering, it was about my mom being a motherfucking badass who flew to France with a six week old baby.

And I realize that now you might feel like a parenting failure, but I hope that in time, you will think about this time you were so fucking Californian on the Florida beach, and your baby washed his toes in two oceans when he was tiny, and your aged relative got to see that baby.

I had the tickets to take my grandfather's first great-grandchild to see him, when he died. He never did meet Baz. And I won't say that I regret that every day, but you are a badass, and you flew across the country with a tiny baby, and you took him to the beach, and no one died or was permanently disfigured.

Parenting victory condition.

[metaphortunate]

Wow. Your mom is a badass!

And thanks.

[kest]

My mom took me to see my grandparents when I was, I think, six months? We went to Helena Montana, and the luggage went to Honolulu. Diapers and bottles and teething rings and all. We survived, is the important thing.

[norah]

YES THIS.

[wild_irises]

It is my considered opinion that you are giving yourself too much credit.

"Worst mother ever" is a highly contested award, dating back to Medea and earlier, and full of stellar examples in my own lifetime and yours. Next to that, doing something that scares the kid when you're right there with a boob to latch onto is chicken feed.

[metaphortunate]

Haha, this is very true! I should stop drama queening all over the place. :)

[pantryslut]

I confess that it is here when I started to snicker.

[lovepeaceohana]

so Mr. E laughed his ass off about how Californian I was, sitting in the surf in my underwear nursing a naked baby

That actually sounds pretty fucking epic to me.

And, well. Sure, Junebug was frightened, and I'm sure it was heartbreaking listening to him crying (fear cries still get me every time, even when they are recorded on video from a year or so ago) - and, it still doesn't make you the worst parent ever. I know it feels that way, and it feels like everyone will also no, but, nah.

[metaphortunate]

The fear cries are the worst! The worst! ;___;

[kate_nepveu]

Ugh, cradle cap. The Pip's does bug him [*], so when mineral oil proved only a stopgap solution, we went with Aquaphor + hat. Which takes the scales off really well but I mean literally, greaser baby.

[*] To the point where his pediatrician thinks it might be eczema instead, though it certainly *looks* like cradle cap. Right now I see . . . a dozen little scabs on his head where he keeps scratching himself, no matter how short and blunt I keep his nails and how much time he spends in hats. Gah.

So sorry about your nursing! And the scary waves, but that's a one-time thing at least. And glad he & his great-grandmother got to meet.

[metaphortunate]

Aw, poor little dude. Aquaphor is great, though. The Junebug was getting dry scaly skin and our ped told us to slather him in it and it has almost entirely fixed it. He is an Aquaphortified baby. :)

Trying to keep the baby's nails blunt is Sisyphean!

[laurajv]

GREASER BABY.

ROCKABILLY BABY.

ahahaha.