pruning, wiring, clamping

[metaphortunate]

Building on my last post, one thing I'm not sure that the Junebug realizes is that he actually gets more physical liberty than a lot of kids. And I swear I'm not judging. I know that other parents know their kids, just like I do. And I have seen the kids that never stop running and that will fling themselves off any heights whatsoever. I would attach a kid like that firmly to me at all times with handholding or a leash or possibly a clamp. But that's not the kids I have. I have kids that want to climb everything, but carefully, and testing their weight on each step before moving on. The Junebug wants to run and run and run, but he is reliable about stopping at the end of each block before the curb cut! And because he is reliable, I trust him to run down the street by himself. And climb on things. And other things that not all other kids get to do. And we've had some conversations about contexts in which he has to wait for me; not because he's not okay, but because it's scaring adults to see a kid by himself when I've yet to turn the corner, etc.

And we've also had talks about how different families have different rules, mostly around things he's not allowed to do, such as when the school has asked us to hold hands while walking through some areas and some other kids don't do it anyway but we do. Other families make their own decisions; we don't make decisions for them, but we don't have to do what they do, either.

Which is fine as far as it goes. But then something happens like Rocket and the Junebug walking on top of a waist-high wall next to the sidewalk, and his little classmate friend and her sister walking next to him on the sidewalk with their mom, who does not allow them to walk on that wall, and his friend saying sadly, "We're not allowed to do that because we're girls."

AAAARGH WHAT DO YOU DO. :(((((((

I will not criticize other people's parenting!

I will not.

It doesn't help. It never does.

But……………

Comments

[ironed_orchid]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

That situation is the worst.

Depending on how well I knew the parent, I might say something like "are you sure that's the reason?" in the hope of starting a discussion about why they perceive certain activities to be boy things or girl things, but it is dangerous territory.

[zdashamber]

I feel like I'd ask the mom "Huh, if you'd had a son, would you let him walk on the wall?" But I'm new to all this and might not, once we get to that point.

I suspect that since I have a daughter, I'd probably instantly flip into "defense of my culture" mode and stake out space for her to be a wild stuntperson by torching every obstacle.

[heliopausa]

:( Miserable! even if it turns out only to be the rationale that the child has come up with, for a prohibition actually based on something else entirely. Yes, to not criticising other people's parenting, but you could just ask the mother, friendly-and-curious (tricky tone to manage!) "Did Frieda get that right, about not walking on the wall because she's a girl?"

[jesse_the_k]

No good answer.

People! Can't live without them, can't eat them.

[jedusaur]

I always say, "It's not because [you're girls, or whatever other conclusion the kid reached], it's because different grownups have different rules." It's not a criticism, it's a clear statement of fact, and it's never caused me any issues with other caretakers. Also very handy for the "but [other grownup] lets me/doesn't make me!" situation, which comes up a lot (usually about things [other grownup] totally doesn't let them/does make them do, but it's easier to just avoid the whole debate).