metaphortunate | these are the contents of my head

Last night I got to go out with destinationtoast and she let me harangue her for like half an hour about Fury Road and just why it was so amazing! I HAD MORE TO SAY. I had to stop because the performance we actually went to see had started. She is the most patient friend. <3 Also she is way more plugged into fandom than me right now so has the most interesting things to say about wattpad (I'd never heard of it!) and Tumblr gossip and so on.

I've loved fandom for ages, but lately I have loved fandom, not so much the things people have been fans of! Fury Road is the first thing in ages that has grabbed my mind and not let go. I can't remember the last time I wanted to go see a movie in the theatre again AND AGAIN. And I don't have time, but I want to so badly!

She also asked me about how the kids were doing. Rocket is having this unbelievable word explosion and it's wonderful. He is my adorable squishy jellybean. The Junebug is….

So, as a mother who wants my child to be self-reliant and have initiative and not be swayed too much by other people and be resilient and not a wilting flower overwhelmed by other people's opinions and to have thoughts of his own, I am delighted, because this is all proceeding apace.

As a mother who wants him to WASH HIS FUCKING HANDS AFTER WIPING POOP OFF HIS BUTT BEFORE RUNNING THEM THROUGH HIS HAIR, and wants him to use the potty - or do ANYTHING at this point - without being yelled at, and wants him to respond to very serious corrections about how he needs to not hurt me or his brother or do some incredibly dangerous thing, with alarm or maybe even remorse, instead of laughing his ass off and calling me a poopyhead; as that kind of mother, I AM GONNA BEAT HIM UNTIL CANDY FALLS OUT.

No, no. I will not do that. I will power through this phase with the power of whining on the internet! And with gin. Oh god.

I mean, it's not all bad! This very morning he saw toys lying on the floor and announced that he was going to put them away so no one would trip on them and then he did so! I mean - parental dancing of joy! He is a good kid. But he is in a phase where he is not at all, not even a little bit, interested in pleasing me or following instructions. If I ask Rocket to throw something away for me he drops his toys and comes to grab the thing and toddles over to the trash can, because he is so delighted to be included and then he gets clapped for and cheered. The Junebug just wants me to stop making noises come out of my mouth. Like, literally, I will be trying to get him to bed and he will go all annoyed "Stop that." Kid, you & me both, but I CANNOT.

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Sympathies. Sounds like you're in Yet Another Advanced Stage of parenting (PhD when they reach puberty).

That last bit put me in mind of the wonderful scenes in the old Peanuts TV shows, where a kid looks up at a parental unit who has meaningless horn-like noises coming out of its mouth. That's probably what Junebug's hearing. I know that's what I hear when I start to hyperfocus.

I am only laughing because I can't drink til I get mine to bed. Two is a great age. I loved two.

Sympathies!

Oh god. The "yes it's great that you're internalizing your sense of self as an autonomous being BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO GO TO BED AND THAT INVOLVES CERTAIN PROCEDURES."

Oh man, children are partially-assembled adults with whack-ass priorities and it is SUPER WEIRD. Godspeed.

I am super interested to hear what yr bud had to say about Wattpad, b/c I cannot parse it at all.

I am quite sure that a lot of it is meaningless noises washing over him, yes. :)

Two is pretty awesome and I expect to enjoy it with Rocket.

I am merely hoping that by the time Rocket is to this phase, the Junebug will be on to a more helpful phase.

Exactly!

She says people are making hella money off One Direction fanfic with the names slightly changed!

There it is, that is the piece of information I was missing.

One of my twice-a-week charges, who is seven, just went through a similar phase that lasted a couple months. Obviously it manifested in different ways (she does not smear poop in her hair) but she had that general "don't tell me what to do, go away" attitude pretty much at all times. It made me feel sorry for anyone who has ever been in a position of attempting to tell me what to do, because I'm pretty sure I spent most of my childhood in that state.

(I think she's over it now. God, please be over it.)

Yup. One of the hardest things that has not once gotten any easier for me is having my anti-authoritarian streak running smack into realizing that I am now The Authority against which my kids - who at least come by their anti-authoritarian streak honestly - are instinctively rebelling.

Being able to understand where they're coming from may mean I can have a little more patience, but ultimately doesn't make it any less irritating, which just seems colossally unfair to me.

We're trying to do natural consequences? Like, this morning he refused to get dressed till it was too late for him to eat breakfast, so he's off to daycare hungry. I hate it, but... it's one of a number of options I hate. The "child gets dressed in a timely manner without being screamed at" option was not on offer. And I hate screaming at him. I'm trying not to do it. Is going to daycare hungry better?? Who knows.

See above comment: we're trying to do natural consequences, where possible, which certainly isn't always. I feel like that makes it less "you must do this because I, the authority, tell you" and more "you must do this or this other thing will happen, which is a choice you can make".

Is that better? Is he even old enough to cognitively grasp that? Who knows.

At five and six-and-a-half, mine are just beginning to be able to take those kinds of things into account - "if I don't get ready on time, I may not have time to eat a leisurely breakfast; if I don't nap now, I will probably be tired and therefore really cranky later" - so it's possible that he isn't?

But it's like I tell Beau, it's about the type of relationship we want to have with our kids. I want to have one that is as collaborative as possible, one in which they learn to rely on our judgement because they can understand and trust that we're actually looking out for their best interests. And I don't mind letting them fail every now and then! It's just, I'd rather do it this way than to be a "my way or the highway" parent.

Which means, of course, dealing with things like this. >.

Fury Road is the best. :)

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