badgerbag: (Default)
badgerbag ([personal profile] badgerbag) wrote in [personal profile] metaphortunate 2012-11-04 06:12 am (UTC)

Re: On places one cannot leave: a rambling

For those strategies I think sticking to firm yet gentle declarative statements are helpful, like with toddlers. They can still melt down, yet you are still going to do whatever it is. Repetition is key. You can acknowledge the arguments. LIke, "I see that you are very concerned that your grandchild has proper nutrition... thank you. But you are not feeding beef jerky to my 3 month old. Excuse me but now it is TIME FOR NURSING. See you in half an hour. Yes, thanks. TIME FOR NURSING, byeeee" You know how in the Teletubbies this voice just comes out from nowhere and goes "Time for a nap!" It is like you take control of abstraction, kind of the superego of the situation. But then you have to actually stick to what you have declared is going to happen somehow. (And have the means set up to make it so; the car to leave in, or the door to lock, my own chocolate to eat, or whatever)

One of my problems has been that standard advice about setting boundaries is like handing a weapon over to the enemy. LIke if I say please don't talk about X, Y, or Z, then the person will just push that boundary harder, or refer constantly to the fact that they are "not supposed to talk about X Y and Z" thus invoking the whole thing and mocking it.

I could talk about this subject forEVAH.


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