Big sympathy wince at the asymmetry of liking/prioritizing. It stings, but it's how shit goes. I try to remind myself to be grateful for whatever goodness I get in a day, because usually it's a big damn lot, even if might not be exactly what I would wish for. And not because I think you're fishing for compliments, but just because I'm effusive, I think you're fantastic, I like you so much, and I wish I could see more of you!
Doing a small thing that is demonstrably helping matters. I totally feel you on the attention and outrage problem. I'm a professional feminist, and I get asked stuff by group members, relatives, sometimes media, and I just can't be an expert on all the ways that the world sucks for women. There's just too much. Also, I would probably just be a gibbering mess, sitting on the floor of my living room, rocking back and forth and crying. So I try to stick to my stuff and do my best at that, listen to the people I know who know about other things I care about but have minimal attention for when they tell me there's something I can do, and, when I can, set up ways to help that happen without me.
For example, I set up an automatic monthly donation to Partners in Health for their work in Haiti; they charge what is, to me, a small amount of money to my debit card every month, and that money goes pretty far in Haiti. For bonus goodness, nonprofits LOVE recurring donations because they are a predictable revenue stream, so I get to feel helpful on that score, too. I have taken worrying about Haiti off my mental ledger, and once a year I get a statement from PIH saying here's what we did with y'all's money, and I say hooray and show my partner and we feel lucky that we get to help make things suck a little less. It works out splendidly.
There's also a trust piece of this: I know so many people who do so many amazing things to make the world better, and I've read about so many more, and there are many more whose names I will never know who also do badass things based on knowledge and expertise I will never have, and I need to trust them to do that. I know that I am a control freak and that, because of the crazy I grew up in, I do have a baseline assumption that unless I do a thing, it will not happen. Okay, well, most people, it turns out, are not like my parents, and they don't need me to do their stuff for them. They're doing it just fine. YMMV, obviously, but this is a thing that goes on in my head, so I just thought I'd throw it out there.
no subject
Doing a small thing that is demonstrably helping matters. I totally feel you on the attention and outrage problem. I'm a professional feminist, and I get asked stuff by group members, relatives, sometimes media, and I just can't be an expert on all the ways that the world sucks for women. There's just too much. Also, I would probably just be a gibbering mess, sitting on the floor of my living room, rocking back and forth and crying. So I try to stick to my stuff and do my best at that, listen to the people I know who know about other things I care about but have minimal attention for when they tell me there's something I can do, and, when I can, set up ways to help that happen without me.
For example, I set up an automatic monthly donation to Partners in Health for their work in Haiti; they charge what is, to me, a small amount of money to my debit card every month, and that money goes pretty far in Haiti. For bonus goodness, nonprofits LOVE recurring donations because they are a predictable revenue stream, so I get to feel helpful on that score, too. I have taken worrying about Haiti off my mental ledger, and once a year I get a statement from PIH saying here's what we did with y'all's money, and I say hooray and show my partner and we feel lucky that we get to help make things suck a little less. It works out splendidly.
There's also a trust piece of this: I know so many people who do so many amazing things to make the world better, and I've read about so many more, and there are many more whose names I will never know who also do badass things based on knowledge and expertise I will never have, and I need to trust them to do that. I know that I am a control freak and that, because of the crazy I grew up in, I do have a baseline assumption that unless I do a thing, it will not happen. Okay, well, most people, it turns out, are not like my parents, and they don't need me to do their stuff for them. They're doing it just fine. YMMV, obviously, but this is a thing that goes on in my head, so I just thought I'd throw it out there.