the flu, the sadness

This is the pants-shittingly awful thing about depression.


When I have the flu:

What do I need to do in order to get better?

• Sleep.

What is the only thing in the world I feel capable of doing?

• Sleeeeeeeeep.

When I have depression:

What do I need to do in order to get better?

• Get plenty of exercise.
  
• Keep my house in some kind of order so it's not despair-inducing just to sit in my living room.
  
• Put in the effort to maintain social connections with my friends.
  
• Find a therapist, that my insurance will pay for, who is accepting new clients, and who actually works for me. This may involve talking about incredibly difficult personal things to a number of different complete strangers before I find one that will help.
  
• Find a psychiatrist, that my insurance will pay for, who is accepting new clients, and who actually works for me. This may involve talking about incredibly difficult personal things to a number of different complete strangers before I find one that will help.
  
• Find psychiatric medication that works for me without unacceptable side effects. This may involve trying a number of different drugs. This may involve getting used to some side effects.

What is the only thing in the world I feel capable of doing?

• Sleeeeeeeeep.

ETA: I am currently fine! Well. At least, I am having the kind of month that reminds me what a luxury it is to be able to be my own worst enemy.

But, on the bright side, I'm not doing that right now. Just meditating on the shittiness of the disease in general.