metaphortunate: (Default)
Okay, here's a thing.

The conversation I wrote about yesterday? I know it's wrong. I mean, I have an ear for this, I know that it's funny. But I honestly don't 100% know exactly why.

I mean, it's ironic that my mom is bugging me to break a habit that she has absolutely no intention of breaking herself, right? But is that any worse than me telling my kid to relax and get some sleep when I know there's no chance I'll be doing it myself? And I know what would happen if I told my mom to lay off my coffee habit if she's not going to kick her own, because I've had this conversation before. She would say, with perfect sincerity, that my health and wellbeing are much more important to her than her own.

Which is true. I don't talk about it much, because it's not funny, or cute, or some traumatic shit that I have to work through, which are the main reasons why I talk about my family. It's just been a constant source of support in my life: I have always had parents who care deeply about my health and wellbeing, yea, even above their own. How lucky am I. And if they're sometimes spectacularly bad at figuring out how to support that goal; well, sometimes they're not. They did get a number of things right. And I wouldn't be doing nearly as well as I am without all the love and help they gave me throughout my life, for sure.

But, it's still kind of fucked up to not be able to drink tea for breakfast in your own house without being confronted with how disappointing it is that you haven't reached a goal that you weren't trying for and aren't interested in, right?

There's still something fucked up about caring so much about someone else's health and happiness that you push them to do shit in pursuit of it that is way too hard or tedious or unpleasant to do yourself, right?

I really want to know what exactly the problem is. What is the funny part? What is the fucked up part? Because I know something is wrong, but I don't know what it is, and if I don't know what it is, how am I going to avoid doing it myself?
metaphortunate: (Default)
Me: I'm making tea, do you want some?

Mom: Ay mija, did you finally manage to quit coffee? I'm so happy for you!

Me: ...no. I drink coffee all the time.

Mom: Oh.

Me: I, uh, haven't been trying to quit drinking coffee. I like coffee.

Mom: Oh.

Me: I just like to drink tea on the weekends.

Mom: You know, some people don't drink any caffeine at all.

Me: So true. Did you want some tea, then?

Mom: Oh no, I already made myself some coffee, thanks.


(and then she made us all arepas and I ate like 35 of them and all was well, yay for family bonding through childhood foods.)

reversals

Jan. 4th, 2014 09:14 pm
metaphortunate: (Default)
We had rather nice holidays. Well, we were asleep by 10 on New Year's Eve. Which was also what we did on Christmas Eve, for which my mom called us carrots. Well, "zanahorias", which literally means "carrots" but is slang for "losers". Apparently it's been a while since she had two kids under 3. Well, I should know: it's been over 35 years. I had my birthday, by the way, and Mr. E got me a surprise hour-long massage. IT WAS WONDERFUL.

Other delightful thing Mr. E has done recently: we have an hour and a half phone timer set to put the Junebug on the potty. Mr. E is teaching the Junebug that when it goes off, that is his booty call.

Anyway, New Year's Day we went over to the house of the parents of one of the Junebug's little daycare buddies. I wouldn't say we're friends exactly yet but we're definitely going in that direction, which makes me happy. Lots of little kids there and parents to keep an eye on them. The Junebug is just beginning to be old enough to play by himself at a party so that both parents can go in the next room and have some quick socializing and mimosa. It is great. The mom of the two and four year olds who were there made a point of gripping me by the arm and looking into my eyes and telling me that it gets better. Which I really appreciated. She said that by the time her little one was 6 months old they were ganging up on her (i.e., parent scolds baby, older kid says "You can't talk to her that way!") which I said was exactly what I want.

Oh, my mom. I realize that I am at full on bitch eating crackers mode with her, which is, I won't exactly say unfair, since I didn't get here by myself, but unhelpful. And the worst part is she knows it. So whenever she's suggesting or asking about anything that she doesn't really consider important, she's heartbreakingly deferential and hesitant.

So, this is my mom suggesting that we listen to some tunes:
"Do you think we could…I have on my iPod…we could listen…or no. No. Maybe we better not. Maybe you wouldn't like it. Never mind. Unless you really want to, that is."

And this is my mom telling me that I'm holding my baby wrong:
"Oh my god, you're not holding his head, he's going to fall. Look, let me carry him."

Now if it were up to me, I would reverse the confidence with which those two suggestions are made. And yet, I can see the logic!

Also speaking of getting things backwards, I discovered one of the reasons why my mom spends so much time eye rolling at our baby raising practices. Apparently 40 years ago when I was a baby, the medical advice she got was - though to be honest, by "medical advice" she probably means "my terrifyingly fatphobic dad told her" - that babies should be on a feeding schedule, because otherwise they'll want to eat when they don't really need to. So my brother and I were on strict feeding schedules from tiny babies…but on the other hand, we never had a bedtime. Like, never. Whereas around here, anyone still nursing (that would be Rocket, at this point) gets to nurse whenever and wherever they want to, but we respect the naps* and the bedtime.

Which explains why, when mom watched the Junebug for us one night last week, we got home around 11 and I asked "So what time did he go to bed?"
"Well, when we talked on the phone he was still eating, you know, and it takes a while, you have to go upstairs, put on the pyjama…it takes a while."
"Right, so what time did he go to bed?"
"God, I don't know, okay? I didn't have my phone with me!"

…he went to bed at 10:30, didn't he. *facepalm*

And in my experience, no, babies do not eat just because they are bored. Babies eat when they're hungry. Mom asks, how do you know he's hungry? He just ate! And my answer is, I don't know, until I offer him the boob and see if he eats! I assure you, my baby has no concept of the polite nibble! If he's hungry he eats! If he's crying not because he's hungry but because he's tired, or his bib is uncomfortable, or he wants his diaper changed, or the moon is in the seventh house, or he's become overwhelmed by having hands, he doesn't politely react with "Aw, mom's doing her best. I will nurse a little to make her feel better." HE SCREAMS HIS FOOL HEAD OFF. MOM, YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT. TRY SOMETHING ELSE. It's not ambiguous.

Ugh, my least favorite thing is when the Junebug is being two, and I can tell that if I were in a better mood I would find his endless energy and wanting to help adorable; but, because Rocket is screaming in my ear, or I'm tired, or something completely unrelated to him, it drives me nuts and I snap at him. Poor little guy, it's not his fault. I do my best, I swear, but sometimes my best is simply not good enough. ;____;

------

* Way back in the day, before I went back to work the first time, we thought we would do a nanny share for the Junebug. It didn't work out, and he goes to daycare, and we're happy with it now, but before we tried daycare we tried meeting a number of people to see if we could work a nanny share with them. It was like trying to do a polyamorous arranged marriage. It was very complicated, which is why it didn't work out.

But there was one woman whom I met and she said that she had previously been doing a nanny share with another family, but it wasn't working out because they wouldn't RESPECT THE NAP. When their kid was with them, they would just get right off the nap schedule, and then it messed everything up for the nanny for the rest of the week. She needed someone who would RESPECT THE NAP.

At the time, my reaction was "Ooookay, lady, I think we need someone who is a little less control freakishly precise. That's…not really our bag." Now - of course she was right. The nap is key. RESPECT THE NAP.

why why why

Nov. 5th, 2012 08:10 pm
metaphortunate: (at one with the universe)
Talked to my mom tonight.

Mom: "Remember to vote tomorrow!"
Me: "Oh, we already voted by mail."
Mom: "Oh. …..who did you vote for?"
Me: "Obama, of course."
Mom: "Oh. Really?"
Me: "Yes."
Mom: "Well, everybody here is very anxious about the election, but I was at [a friend]'s house last night and I told her not to worry. If Obama wins, he won't raise taxes on us, just on the rich people. And if Romney wins, he'll get us all lots of money."
Me: "Whaa. He'll do what now?"
Mom: "He'll make sure we all get lots of money."
Me: "No he won't."
Mom: "Yes, that's what he says he'll do."
Me: *cries on the inside*

And so Romney will take Texas.

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