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Sephora's most recent Gift With Purchase was a mini Kat von D Studded Lipstick in the color "Lovecraft".

Plus: Color, inappropriately, looks like it would suit a variety of skin tones. Looks cute on me.

Minus: Onlookers are not running away gibbering, the sanity flayed from their very souls by the sight of my lipstick.

Plus: Fairly long-wearing.

I give it a 7 out of 10.
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For today, a little frivolousness.

I can't remember who it was who had a job interview at a coffeeshop and was looking for a lipstick that wouldn't leave lip prints on a coffee cup. Which is a hell of a catch-22, right? You're supposed to wear makeup to a job interview for ~professionalism~, but you also can't get makeup on anything because zomg girly and "unsightly" and etc. Incidentally, the previously linked site suggests licking your glass before drinking from it to reduce the amount of lipstick that transfers. I can only imagine the tone that would give your job interview.

My own personal lips reject lipstick in the blithe and seamless manner that The Toast rejects asshole commenters. The blogger from Brightest Bulb in the Box (now sadly defunct (the blog, not the blogger (I hope))) used to test the lasting power of lipstick on "four hours and a meal."

Four hours. And a meal. Let me tell you my own personal test on the longwearingness of lipstick. My question is: if I put it on in the morning before I leave for work, is it still on my lips when I get to the office? MOST LIPSTICKS FAIL THIS TEST.

(…this may or may not be related to the amount of child kissing I have to do on the way to work. However, it doesn't matter, as that is a constraint I plan to keep.)

I'm with Caitlin Moran on this one: lipstick is ridiculous. And yet. And yet! I continue to enjoy it. So I continue to look for things that will at least make a freaking gesture in the direction of lasting.

Which takes us firmly by the scruff of the neck and hauls us back to the topic introduced back in the second paragraph! You must have given it up for dead by now. But no, all of this was just to introduce that very holy grail: a lipstick that will not leave prints on your coffee cup! It really exists and it is called Maybelline Super Stay 24 Hour Lip Color. 24 hours of course is a complete lie, but this is a lipstick that, swear to god, stays on my lips not only through my morning commute but also through cups of coffee and tea and all the way to lunch. It does not survive lunch on me, but now we're back to my radical feminist lips who reject the patriarchy and all its works.

The thing about this stuff is, you have to take the two step process very seriously. You have to get your lips clean and dry, then put the color on, then wait, seriously, at least two minutes, for it to fully dry out. Then, when your lips are fully dry and kind of tacky, you put on the gloss part from the other end, or your favorite lip balm, whatever. And voila! You're done for half a day. It does fade from the outside in so after lunch I do end up with that fun clownlike lip outline which I hate. But if you're not going to have a full meal this is the shit that will not leave lip marks on anything. You have been told.

The other really long wearing thing I know is Revlon ColorBurst Balm Stains. They totally last and they don't leave weird clown lip outlines, but they will come off on your coffee cup, or your children, and I have three colors that I almost love and none that I 100% do. Creating a need and aaaaaalmost filling it so that I keep buying shit looking for the exact perfect solution: since 1776, well done, capitalism!
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Things I have been enjoying recently:

"The Beigeness", by Kate Tempest. I love the song. I am disturbed by the video, which is probably its goal. It's trying to say something about race and sex and genderplay and secrets and men and women and power, but I can't tell if it's getting there; and it's especially hard for me to read because Ms. Tempest is English and the racial fault lines are different there than where I'm from. It's…kind of fucked up, though, right? I think it's kind of fucked up. Great song, though.

"Moves Like Yaweh"(sic): [personal profile] jetpack_monkey's Festivid entry this year. Yes, it's a Prince of Egypt vid set to "Moves Like Jagger." Don't read the comments in advance: they'll spoil one of the best jokes. Leave the vidder one afterwards, though!

No Cities To Love: see "Bury Our Friends," by Sleater-Kinney. Don't call it a comeback, they've been here for years.

Unrepentant Geraldines by Tori Amos: see "Wedding Day." Now goddamn, this really is a comeback, after the past few years of unlistenable wankery.

Tape Deck Heart, by Frank Turner: see "Recovery", but also "Plain Sailing Weather" and "We Shall Not Overcome" and "Tattoos" and just the entire goddamn album. It is a joyfully musical work about being a self-pitying fuckup of a sad bastard with a completely unjustified superiority complex, and it speaks to my soul. I'm not going to embarrass anyone by claiming you as one of my people, but y'all: this one is for you. You know who you are.

All Hands, by Doomtree: see "Marathon". Okay, I'm not gonna lie. This is just to keep us going till Dessa puts out a new album. [personal profile] norah, I blame you for this addiction.

And on a totally different note, Nuxe Rêve de Miel lip balm. I know it's a stupid amount of money for a lip balm, but here's the thing: usually, when I buy a lip balm, I buy two, one to keep in my medicine cabinet, one to take with me and reapply all day and my lips are STILL chapped and cracked and bleeding. I bought one of these - and I don't need another. I don't need to put on lip balm during the day anymore. I put on a homeopathic amount in the morning and another at night and my lips feel fine. I don't know what they put in this shit but it's amazing.


Apr. 7th, 2013 09:17 pm
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Mimi Smartypants just posted about buying makeup as an adult, like me, who missed the Makeup Boat that all the femme girls caught in their teens or early twenties when they were having unfortunate experiments with blue eyeshadow and I was, whatever the fuck I was doing back then, I think arguing online about Babylon 5:
I have used Bobbi Brown’s particular goop ever since the day I showed up at Nordstrom, selected the counter with the least fussy/intimidating packaging and salespeople, and said, “Look, I’m old and I need better stuff for smearing on my face and also I would like to start wearing actual makeup once in a while.” Because except for the lengthy goth phase in which it was all about theatrics and Wet n’ Wild black eyeliner pencils, I had never actually worn “regular” makeup. You know, “I just want to look a bit less blotchy and a bit more professional” makeup.
Which is funny to me because I too had a Bobbi Brown Help Me I Don't Know Shit experience, only mine didn't turn out so well. I think it was Bobbi Brown. It may have been Laura Mercier. I'm pretty sure it was a woman's name. Anyway, Christ knows how I had time to wander by a makeup counter, I think it was the weekend I organized myself a field trip to the mall to replace my leather jacket which I had finally given up on pretending was ever going to zip again over my post-baby ass. So I had a free half hour, and - feeling massively, massively guilty the whole time on not just going home half an hour early once I had gotten the jacket, which is pretty much how I feel any time I'm not working, cleaning, Officially Socializing, or with the baby, which let me tell you, as an introvert who likes to do random shit by myself, SUCKS - I went by the department store makeup counter. Bobbi Laura, or whatever. There was a guy working there, which I thought was kind of weird but cool, plus I am a sucker for guyliner, so I asked him.

"I have a new baby", I said. "I would like to buy something that would make it look like I've been getting some sleep." Dude sprang happily into action like a killer robot cheerleading squad, or something. "I have the PERFECT THING!" he enthused. This was apparently the product that was MADE for never getting any sleep. It came in two parts. There was a putty part and a dust part. You dab the putty under your eyes, he explained. Look up. Dab dab dab dab DAB DAB dab SMEAR dab dab dab. DAB DAB DAB. Then you dust the dust part over the putty. Dust dust dust. Then he pulled out a mirror. Voila! You look amazing!

Actually, when I looked in the mirror, I looked like someone had smeared purple putty under my eyes and then poured sawdust on it, which was basically what had happened. "Uh", I said, trying not to react visibly. I could feel myself getting pressured into spending a buttload of money on this terrible junk. "I…don't think this is exactly what I was looking for."

Dude huffed. I mean he literally cocked his hip and huffed at me. "Well, what WERE you looking for?" he said.

"Something that doesn't make me look like I have a disease," I didn't say. "Uh…not this," I said, and fled. This is exactly why I do not like asking salespeople anything beyond maybe where the restroom is and even then I'm kind of worried that they're going to try to intimidate me into buying it.

Luckily, a while later I was fortunate enough to get to spend the afternoon with [personal profile] merielle, who is a professional feminist in Texas, and whose makeup is amazing. I mean, I hope this doesn't sound like damning with faint praise, but she has absolutely the most professional eyeshadow I have ever seen. Like, you look at her, and her eyeshadow says, "You know how you stay up too late fucking around on the internet? I don't do that. That's why I'm well rested and totally able to deal with whatever shit you try to pull. Also my house is cleaner than yours and I got up early enough this morning to do my perfect makeup before I organized all my shit and got here, so don't even try it." And I don't even know if any of this is true! But I tell you, that is what her eyeshadow says. It is impressive.

Anyway, she told me what it is that I was looking for. It turns out that it comes in two grades. Fancy grade: Yves St. Laurent Touché Eclat. Drugstore grade: Maybelline Instant Age Rewind Eraser Dark Circles Concealer Treatment. I have tried them both and as far as I can tell they are the same thing and it is a pretty good thing.

Currently I am on the search for an eyeliner that will not migrate right back down to under my eyes and recreate the whole problem again, but that is a whole different issue.


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